Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now. 

1.You have been one I have known for such a short time and I am truly happy that you came into my life.There was something about you. I wondered what you sounded like and then I heard you sing with ring of fire... Definitely one of the most beautiful voices I've ever heard. You even dedicated a song to me. I admit I love listening to it. You have one of the sweetest and purest hearts I've ever met. You just brighten my day, everyday... I definitely look toward to chatting with you and when you call me it's one of the best feelings. Thank you for contributing to my happiness. Can I say you make me feel special.

2. I'm sorry, I must have done something for you to discontinue our friendship. I guess it became frail and I was naive to there being a shot to continue. But, I was hopeful... I've had friends who I have stopped talking to for times at a time. The fact that we were so close makes the time seem a minimal effect in the friendship most of the time but I guess not in this case. Sorry you never thought it was worth it. I don't regret any of it. But, I'm glad I got to contribute to your first couple of years in college.. you were one of my best friends then... you helped me through so many hard times... And you even got to experience seeing me at my worst pain where instead of the hospital I begged you to drive me to my mother. Thank you for everything! And I celebrate you amongst the 3 close friends who were there then... the day before my son was born... Every year!

3. We met when we didn't like our room mates in College... You are my sister and you were my biggest support when you found out I was pregnant. Actually you were my baby support and I love you! I'm so glad your mom was a Midwife and I lucked out I got the best advice... You dealt with my tantrums, anger spells and even let me handle when I didn't want the help... You went through a lot being my room mate. But, when we had fun before we had fun!! I think you helped me be a lil more outgoing and even helped me the the dancing. I will appreciate everything you did. And I do want to truly say I am sorry I would keep you out of the room at times. I couldn't have asked for a most perfect room mate than you... love you!

4. You have been patient with my friendship... 13 yrs and you're still here. You still manage to call me a best friend. Thank you for being the first to start molding me into the person I am. I learned strength with you. I learned to deal with life issues and even though I was  weak I still got strength from you. You're the only one aside from my young blood (well I use to make my fingers bleed when I was young) diary I have that knows my pains and burdens... maybe just childish play to want to be accepted.

5.You tell me everything how it is. sometimes it's painful but I trust telling you things... Hey you have even made me cry a few times. I know you hate it when I whine and complain... but you sure kept me laughing when I was in Denver... I would have been so bored if you wouldn't have been texting me... You have become one of my closer male friends. It helps that we're so alike that you understand me so well... Probably even better than I do which I hate at times because you're right and sometimes I don't want to admit. You tell me the truth no matter how painful and it sure is but you know what I like you tell me what it is. It just makes my decisions I make get ready for an "I told you so"... lol thanks for the support. 

6. I've know you since you were born pretty much... and I know sadly we're not that close. You've just never allowed me into your life that much. You've always been more social and I've been the awkward weird one... I know how it is... You expect me to tell you about me but you never tell me about you... In high school, you thought it was better we didn't talk or more like I didn't talk to you... nobody knew we were related until it somehow leaked out... I guess in a sense it's always hurt me a bit but I've kept it all to myself.

7.You had to leave us and move so far away. It was sad when you didn't come back that summer. My sis and I sure felt lost for a while...  We're glad you're happy where you are but saddened we just can't see you. Face to face is always better.

8. What can I say to you... nothing much but be happy. You need to find your own happiness and run with it... simple...

9. You've/We've learn a great deal of us... specially with that things we've both gone through...I'm still sorry for what happened. I will always be sorry... But, I'm glad we're friends. And that we're actually quite similar. You're advice always helps me even when I don't wanna hear it... lol but I know you're honest. 

10. At first I thought you were an honest person... I helped with work and did everything in power to help. I was basically your assistant. I thought it would lead to a job and getting paid. I would make order and calls and it took a lot of my time... I'm actually sorry I did. I'm a professional, I didn't know people were talking behind my back. I didn't know people were saying awful things... Maybe I'm ignorant or naive... but it was not cool. The day your wife called me and started accusing me of things I was unaware of, that day I lost respect for everybody there. I lost my motivation to do business and work with people. And the saddest part was that I had started loving the people, I enjoyed being in front of big crowds for the first time in my life... and that just shut me back down to my locked room where I feel safer. I don't let people bring me down as much but I did want to be far away from all those people. I never did anything, why were you lying... I feel disgusted with lies and deceit... If you were being unfaithful why was your wife thinking it was me... she felt I was living off of her money... when in reality I was the one making sure she was fed... oh well c'est la vie! If I ever do my business... I will never take any leads or do need help when I start my business again... I actually started disliking business seeing how dirty people actually were...so sad... anyways that's done with...

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Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now. 
Day Two: Nine things about yourself. 
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart. 
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot. 
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done. 
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever.) 
Day Seven: Four turn offs. 
Day Eight: Three turn ons. 
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now. 
Day Ten: One confession.

Best friend, 

You have been with me the longest in time. I know I don't always appreciate you for what you do for me. You keep my head up and cheer me up... Heck even at one point you were the cause of my tears... I guess it's true that kids are truly cruel. I know you didn't like me for some reason but my shyness and quiet nature has somehow led me to trouble at no fault of my own. I learned to forgive you even after I found out you were th cause of my troubles so young and even to this day... you can still bring a smile to my face. After we got over the things you did or admitted to, I found out why I lost communication with the one guy I was friends with, my long time crush. And you know what as best friends, through thick and thin I will always be here and you can surely depend on me. You use to be the one who was the corruption to my mind... lol. I remember when my mom would tell me not to talk to you. She even told me, you weren't a real friend... I cried... I knew I couldn't bare to lose the only friend I had ever had... the only friend who I could so freely talk to, the only friend who knew my troublesome mind... the only friend, My only friend. I moved away 13 yrs years ago when I was 13 and you were 14....years would go by and by some miracle I would always end up back in town... the first thing I would do was find a way to get to your house... we would catch up and years would go by again... I even remember when your brother was hitting on me... that was funny! But, through it all you've always known best. You know how to make my tears stop and you even know how to cheer me up. Heck, you always do your best to make me feel pretty  and I don't know why... You're a mom too now... with 2 beautiful kids... I truly don't know how you do it sometimes but you surely have the patience to go through everything you have. I love you, my friend... I know that no matter what we'll always be connected by our past, present and futures to come. There are no words or way to pay you for everything you've done.. You've helped create a stronger, independent woman. You have taught me tricks of the market and many many many things... The knowledge is great and even choosing not to use some skills is even better. I know now, I've taught you a few things of my own. I have even taught you freedom through my eyes... the free savory taste you can no longer have and the one I no longer wish. But, I think that even though our lives are somewhat different, we're quite similar. I think it's our differences which have kept us united for so long. We have different perspectives on life, we have completely different lives, we even different environments, education, we're like completely opposites but nothing brings you closer than any person I've known well being a girl. 

Thank you for everything!

I love you and I will always be here for you no matter what! 

Reyna Flores

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Day 1 - Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

I was talking to a friend a couple days ago... She has kids and isn't currently seeing the guy. Well let's just say he's a bum or something because he aint worth it. Anyways, She started talking to a guy and and he has asked her if she wanted to have casual sex with him or be friends with benefits.... (And well what can I say to her? she's a grown up, not that I'm against having a sexual life if you have a need as long as she's safe, idk) But, then she tells me that she was going to do it ... and the guy says, "Baby, I wanna make love to you..." And she told me "well I thought he wanted to have casual sex and he says that...what a turn off" haha... I just laughed "I just wanna make love to you... " lmao... 

You would think since it's about being dirty(well not really, depending on your morals) or I don't know having fun with no strings attached he would have said, "Baby, I wanna have sex now!" or "I wanna f*** you so hard" or I don't know any other  slurs you have heard but he wanted "to make love" 

I can't get over that... haha (and I seriously don't mean to laugh, but I can't help it)

I thought making love consisted of being with that one person you love and you share a special moment with... even if it is sex but it's a connection that you don't just have with anybody, the emotions, the love, the passion, driven to being held in each other's arms (of course not always) but you know love... and sleeping in the same bed and waking up next to each other sort of deal... haha

But, Casual sex... leads to a quicky, I'm in a rush let's do it now, or the walk of shame in the morning lol... (apparently)

I don't know how many people use the phrase "I wanna make love to you..."

But, Gentlemen have you or you would you ever use it to get laid? or have you used it with your girlfriend/wife or how do you express yourself?

Ladies, Have you ever heard that if you have had casual sex or do your boyfriends/husbands use it? Or do you use it when you want to tell your husband?

 

I guess I have my ups and downs like everybody in the whole world... I'm realizing that most people are relatively the same except some speak their minds and others just keep them shut! 

My biggest problem I have is I think too much... and when I don't think as much I am actually thinking about thinking... Who in their right mind does that... haha... well whether I'm in my right mind or not I guess I do it...

I actually weigh all my options thoroughly... And sometimes even though there might be downfalls in the plan if it's worth it I will continue with the decision... I play a lot of tug-o-war with my self, my thoughts, beliefs, relationships... I mean EVERYTHING!!! 

The thing about me is that I am also a lil bit stubborn... just a lil.. haha!  I am so stubborn that once I have made a decision I will stick it through, no matter what... When I love... I will go down until (if I'm not lucky) I get a heartbreak or live happily ever after... Which you can assume what I've gone through, lol. 

I never say, "I love you" until I feel it and mean it...And even when I feel it sometimes I with hold...I told myself that I would never be the one who says it first, I guess after all I am afraid of heartbreak or just plain rejection. I hate rejection and I prefer dying with what I hold inside but I've taken some risks and guess what... rejection... lol so many years back... The thing about me also is I do go a lil head over heels and to be honest I'm the most committed person in the world to a person and the sad thing is that they sometimes don't notice. I just hope that when I feel something, it doesn't know in vain...  

I guess I'm just thinking... after all it's all I do... I'm always full of lil hearts and lil red roses... lol 

I carried a child within my body. I traded sleep for dark circles. Slept with my baby on my chest. I've kissed boo boos and mended broken hearts. I've been puked on, peed on, pooped on and spent sleepless nights in a rocking chair. I traded  salon haircuts for a ponytail, long showers for quick ones, late nights for early mornings, and designer bags for diaper bags. But I wouldn't have it any other way. My body isn't magazine perfect, but when I look in the mirror I see a MOM, and there is no greater honor or blessing!! To all the Mothers who spend their days and nights with their children!!! 

 

I love my mother and all the women who have treated me like a daughter. I admire you all for going through that pain to bring life.... thank you! And Be blessed! 

 

The day I became a mommy

 

Well, I've actually woken up today quite happy yet a little tired but it's my fault for always going to sleep so late... I guess I do need a bed time sometimes but more of an enforcer... haha I guess I'm a little like a little kid... haha 

So my brother, the one with the baby is going to a wedding with his girlfriend and some of her fam... So he asked if we can watch the baby. Of course we say yes! At first it felt as though they were so over protective but I guess they're starting to see the benefit of family.  

So he stayed here all day yesterday bc his gf's car broke down and so I took him to go pick her up from her and then took them home... And guess what? They gave me the baby!!! YAY!!!! So meanwhile I was driving they were giving me lists and to do things... haha... yes, I've had a baby before... so I would nod and agree...  And my brother remembered that I forget things... but come on can you really forget things that pertain to such a beautiful and innocent being... Not me!!!! I still remember what they were telling... somewhat, HA! Anyways, so since she remembered my memory too... she said well I'll text you at 4am... (which she didn't, bet you they slept so well) They warned me that I wasn't going to sleep because the baby doesn't sleep at night and warned me that I would be struggling...  Well, Baby woke up once or twice but no big deal I put him back to sleep quick... he woke up at like 7am which they tell me he gets up at 4 and wont go back to sleep... at 7 gave him his cereal... and a lil water... and then we all played with him a lil bit and then maybe like 30 mins ago I gave him his bottle... Guess what? He's asleep... I don't think they  understand the concept of parenthood yet... but deep  inside every time they would tell me about their struggles at night (I would be laughing, deep inside) I went through it, I know what it is to have sleepless nights but in my case I was working and a full time student and lots of homework... sure my bro is in school, and the gf just started working but they both help out each other at night... And I was I alone, by myself... (hey but many ladies out there do it all) 

So, i feel a little proud of me... which then confirms what  I've been wanting for a while. I'm not young anymore... My son is 5 heading to 6... And well I would love to eventually start a family myself with a person. I know it isn't day dreams and laughs (all the time)  but I am ready to take the  next step in my life... I remember for a few year I said I didn't want anymore children and I practically begged my doctor to tie my tubes... I was 20(almost 21),  he said no! he said either I had to be 30 or 3 children... sounded stupid to me. But, he was right kind of glad I didn't... For like over a year I felt I missed having the tiny lil clothes, tiny socks, tiny shoes, the bottles, the baby stuff... I missed it all... which was when I decided to start want to get to know people... Even though, I want a baby it doesn't mean that I'm going to go sleep around until one knocks me up...It's nothing to do with sex but more of creative love. And bringing a child into this world should equally mean the same to the both in affect (both man and woman) 

Anyways, I'm done ... I'm so happy!  

Warning: Thoughts are not in order... they're written as my brain was spitting them out... 

 

Can you blame me for blogging? I have thoughts I need to let out... pains, insecurities, complexity issues, bad karma, life...etc

Hey sometimes I'm a lil vain, egotistical... I don't know why either but I guess it helps with the lil self confidence I've had all my life... probably wont meet up to your ankle in height but other times it's boosted and I feel narcissistic...

Sometimes I am little short (in temper), edgy and defensive... sometimes I just feel attacked...

My mom always startles me... so she says I have an uneasy conscious... na uh.... but who knows... 

I have an internet problem, I do, but maybe so do half of the people on here. 

I tend to be dominant with many submissive tendencies- I like the charge but also being told what to do (I guess a small fetish)... in the past some people couldn't stand my submissiveness now it's more like toning  myself down... I guess learning an in between.

I know how to let go... sometimes its far too easy BUT when I'm there I'm 100% there...I don't doubt it for a moment (I can't explain how it works, it's who I've grown to be with time... It's like with my trust... I'll trust you but if you betray me it takes twice as hard ti regain...

Lately, I'm lost in thoughts: I assume to quickly and always jump the gun

Sometimes I'm caught in the extremities have a hard time for in between with gray areas... I sometimes feel as if almost everything is black and white...

I play the hand dealt with but I always have a trick up my sleeve... but so far my hand has always ended up losing... i keep getting a new hand into the game and I'm not learning what I do wrong... it's the same tricks that keep me in the same place... and it's like every time I forget I had already done it.

I'm a little stubborn 

By feeling silenced, I feel trapped...

I feel trapped on  daily basis... maybe if I was in a locked room I would feel free...

I guess sometimes I don't consider others feelings... sometimes I'm just looking for an escape...

Many of my thoughts are selfish as I have spend more of my life giving into the needs of others

I hate people to notice me.... but I love the attention

When I'm happy I tend to be sky happy but almost anybody can rain on my parade... and it's easier when I'm the happiest... people just find it easy to make me cry... they don't know it though... you do now...

When I wake up in a good mood, I just want silence so I can enjoy the moment

I hate screaming but I do it... I raise my voice when I feel a need to defend

I lose people because I cannot accommodate them (it's my need to) but what I need is to figure out me and let them accept that instead. 

Everything I write always comes from my feelings but sometimes I can relate to feelings of the past to aide and make something even more so a moving subject

*I'm only a reflection of the shadow that follows me on the ground* 

I'm quite gullible... I feel I can't effect  people as much as they effect me...

I set up walls and shoot missiles from the top. I guess I attack indirectly or attack while maintaining my hands clean of bloodshed. I'm a coward. I hate hurting people, it hurts me more... ( I know contradictory but the truth)

I'm too emotional... when I hurt, I write! When I'm happy, I can't write... I don't usually ..

I'm driven by passion and sadness/anger - I feel sometimes no one gets me 

I'm actually quick to lose interest, short attention span... times makes the heart grown fonder... well for a lil while... it does... and I talk me out of it.. just to ease the pain of rejection... Sometimes it's just pushing me over the threshold ( like short term memory -which I have an issue with- but once in my long term everything is A-okay)

Sometimes hope has led me to continue a false illusion... I've been accused/criticized  of  looking too far into it or over analyzing yet other times when I freely let it go... I never understood... look I hate guessing... just tell me what is it, how you feel... I like things straight up even if its awkward 

I'm stuck in between 2 worlds and sometimes I feel I don't really exist

You know how sometimes adults wish they were kids again, well I would never want to be a kid again... ever

Sometimes, I wish I could just runaway, no looking back

Sometimes I don't understand why a person would want me and then other times I don't understand why I always feel alone.

I don't brush my hair ever -- well today I did but is it sad I don't remember the last time I did- my hair usually looks fine but i don't mind if somebody else would do it or play with it..

I like vodka but not a drunk... but if mixed a Margarita... extra strong... 2 are good for me

I don't like coffee but if a must flavored with French Vanilla or if not available...2-3 creams and 8 sugars... a 10 min wire and a complete knock out

I can be the perfect person (ideal match) but I've never made the cut

I found out there's always someone better (or a better version of you out there) .... We're all replaceable...

Everything has always been too good to be true...

Life's disappointments are sugar coated moments  of the Hell we can go to after death

I still have nightmares of trains... but I still dream of going to walk the traintracks we use to when I was in elementary... 

The day I'm accepted: Mind, Body and Soul will be the perfect day! 

The truth is that I am slowly losing hope in humanity

What happens is that when I feel so happy my body immediately finds a a way to cancel itself out, yea I get depressed not being able to control such overwhelming happiness... but I know I can be happy (I hope) Maybe it's learning how to slowly

If you've never met a lost cause, you're seeing one!

When is mother's day seriously... This weekend or the following weekend... I guess being a mother sometimes we loose track of time... Can't you blame me/us... When do mother's really get anything anyways? Well last year I gave  my mom a 3 different gold chain with a "Mom is #1" lol I know, I know I thought she deserved it... I--- yes I bought my self a ring last year too... white gold with my favorite  -a heart shape_... with a cubic ...  for me anything with hearts in jewlery makes my life... I've had a few heart shape rings even one that looked like the ring I wanted to where for the rest of my life... It disappear but nothing white gold ... I needed to do something special for me. Lol Nobody else does...  well I know I spoiled my self for the first time in my life with jewelry ... Lame! this year... no I can't get my mom anything... And much less myself... but I guess both being mothers we'll be stuck at home cooking for people when it should be the other way around... haha oh well... 

Please when is the day.. I'm too tired to look it up myself... instead I'm hoping you just know....

Alright I decided to post something happier than what's really been on my mind today... Last night I had some good dreams and some bad dreams and for those who noticed my first Pulse...  I woke up to an interesting ritual, demon exorcising or input of, dream of Xanga... I guess it was about my life being led by a computer life that just ... 9 new xangans had been added to the community and I was still learning what I had to do... but I guess I was in process of joining... And well when I awoke from my sleep in my dream ( or more like the process I was in a hospital bed, under white sheets... and there was one Xangan who didn't make it. He passed and some of the others were in hiding at the resting place... paying their respects. Then it ended with a remembrance video of his happy happy... It made me sad...  I was a lil moody in the morning... Any way this was suppose to be my Happy Blog lol 

 

Overall today was a nice day.... 

A friend gave me 2 televisions he needed to get rid of becuase he was moving and he asked me first if I wanted them. I, of course, said yes... just like he is... we hardly ever say no to free stuff ... 2 tvs yay! and since the big Tv doesn't have DVD or VHS he gave me one too  

When I went to my friends house I had left my mom in a meeting which was a Cinco de Mayo celebrating but it was mainly a meeting to celebrate the previous month of hard workers... They had food and music which I missed the whole food part picking up the TVs but I don't regret it. 

They had a live band: Proyecto 1 Musical it's new group starting up... trying to get their name out ...

 

Well guess what...  My dad and brother are in it... My dad is on the left hand side on the keyboard and my bro (18 yrs old) is the one in between both guys with orange shirts, playing bass... Well, I'm going to say they were awesome not because2 family members are in it but they play pretty good... they even got the crowd dancing and all. Sorry i didn't really take a pic of the crowd but that's a few people down here...

Then the music ended... and yea it was finishing ... and for all people who are active in their business they did a special raffle... Yea, I haven't been active in my personal business since my mom's brain surgery on March 2010, instead I helped her with hers and maintained some of her downline... 

So guesss who won the raffle? 

Yup

 

MY MOM!!!!!!

Yea, A nice end to the day... and my son came home and fell sound asleep! Ahh... the peace!!!

 

Haha... so I was in my room and my mom came in...

And well most of you don't really know much about me... I'm 26, a single mother and I have a Bachelor's of Arts in Music... yea, which means I'm freakin broke because of the lack of jobs in the industry...well mine... Going to go back to school as school as I can... I think accounting is an option

So, anyways my mom came in (right) and she had just gotten off the phone... And she was quite quiet...and sits down on my son's bed... And She tells me (in Spanish of course) that she had just gotten off the phone with an acquaintance. Let me Back up a little bit.... We're 4 sibblings... I'm the Oldest (26) single, I have a sis (24) who has a Bf, a brother (18) with a gf and a baby, and another brother (18) single... So the acquaintance had suggested marrying off my single brother and myself... Yeah, she was trying to arrange us to get married to complete strangers... haha... I just laughed at the thought... 

My mom immediately said that it wasn't something were interested in something like that... it's funny because I have thought of this in the past... haha but now I prefer not to think about it... 

well apparently for them it was more of a personal thing rather than really trying to get us married forever... (for a year or 2) ... I don't know about you but that's a long time....

They wanted us to marry someone from a different country... do the arrangements for them to become legal residents or citizens and of course have to live with him and her as I suppose a couple to decrease suspicion... 

Yeah, definitely not my cup of tea... haha! And no thank you... There is suppose to be some money involved... but I don't play games like that... especially with something to do with marriage and what it means to me. Of course it's not like we're being made to actually wed but the acquaintance obviously told my mother just in case she would agree and try to make us... haha!! It was an interesting thought...

 

Have you ever thought about an arrange marriage? Or do you know anyone who has been or is in one?

 

I know we have so many rights here but if you're really willing to commit to a person in the end it can be no different.. it works perfect in other countries and they even learn to respect and love each other with time. And a higher success rate at staying together since they both agree... in comparison to the high divorce rate with couples who supposedly love each other...  

I didn't look up statistics, but I've seen them before...