My Birthday was monday … yay, right?!! RIGHT?! Well it didn’t feel like yay… I felt like i was 13 all over again and it felt like the worst day of my life. I felt like I was the loneliest person alive. Unlike when I was 13 there was no people so crying was not noticed. I ended up falling asleep with a headache after helping my son finish his homework. It was fine and dandy but sometimes we just feel different on different days. Don’t ask me how I feel right at this moment because if I felt better you bet you niceness I would be writing a happy post which I have some to write, I just don’t have motivation to write..

That song “Lonely Day” by System of a Down felt more happy than how I was feeling.

I guess it made it ok to be in my room alone and just let it out. It’s suppose to make me feel better. And I suppose all those nice “Happy Birthdays” I was getting on facebook were nice yet I was in my room still. I remembering being surround by friends in college and having people to hang out and people would be there for you but then I remembered oh yea, I’m a loner why would anyone really remember me. Then again a loser at 28. I feel like such a failure. I’m suppose to have everything together and nothing is put together. I don’t know where I’m going, I don’t have any dreams anymore. I can’t change anything. I can’t go back to school and doing anything right about now sounds better than not doing anything. I just want/ need that part of my life to fall in place so I can be more supportive and upset in a different way. But, I’d be mad but I at least would have my spending my money. I wouldn’t be stuck in my room all day trying to fill out apps and never get calls. I don’t think my resume is that bad. But, obviously no one wants me. and it makes me sad.

Ok, I feel better for today. But, it still sucks to be 28…  I hope I can dream again and get my life into feeling positive. It’s definiely the type of feelings I want to show my son. I want him to feel hopeful about the future and going to school but after my experience I feel I can’t give him that… I will try to. But, besides my negativity I hope 2013 is a good year. I pray.