The Eight Stages of Intimacy

[To achieve a successful relationship] 

 [ This is a long post so I am going to separate it into 8 different days or sections which talk about the individual 8 stages of how a relationship is created into intimacy (not sexual) (this wasn't written by me)  and then link them all together]

[Italics is my writing -FYI]

1. Physical Intimacy (Looks, etiquette, charisma)  (Stage 1)

2. Aesthetic Intimacy (Arts, style, Culture, General Compatibility)  (Stage 2)

3. Recreational Intimacy (Shared interests, sports & Hobbies) (Stage 3)

4. Intellectual Intimacy (Hopes, fears, opinions, beliefs) (Stage 4)

5. Spiritual Intimacy (Morality, Ethics, shares Existence, & Shared Goals) (Stage 5)

 

6. Emotional Intimacy (Feelings, Trust, Security, Safety) 

Many couples never make it to emotional intimacy because it is in emotional intimacy where you must accept the person  for whom he or she is without reservation, flaws, irrationality and all. At this level, you feel comfortable sharing yourself without fear of repercussions. On a daily basis, both parties feel comfortable to voice and share their anger,  happiness, secrets, sensual side and sexual feelings. You know you are loved and love your partner no matter how either of you feel or act.

 

Here are some common questions to start with:

1.  If your car breaks down, after AAA, whom do you call first?  

2.  If you were fired today, where or to whom would you go to find solace? 

3.  If you just got a promotion, with whom would you most want to celebrate? 

4.  If a close friend died, with whom would you first share your grief?

 

If your partner isn't the person you'd think of in any of the events first, chances are, you haven't quite reached emotional intimacy with him or her.  It's about trust and letting another see us at our worst and our best...pretty scary stuff for most people, but critical to a long-term healthy relationship.  Parents especially need to focus on nurturing emotional intimacy with their children.

You & your partner achieve emotional intimacy if you can answer Yes to all of these situations:

1.  In a state of personal fear, uncertainty or danger, your partner is your first call or the person you turn to for comfort.

2.  Crying, showing frustration or anger in front of your partner is okay.  You know he/she will not see you as weak, psychotic, crazy or out of control.

3.  You can speak about sex, secrets and your feelings without a fear of being betrayed, ridiculed, or compromised.

4.  No matter what happens, you know your partner loves you and will not abandon you during a state of crisis, ill health or financial difficulty.

5.  You show or tell each other often through words and actions that you love and respect each other.

6.  Past wrongs are not dredged up in arguments to get even with each other.  The past is discussed, forgiven and left there.

7.  Passive aggressive behavior and name calling does not exist in your relationship.

So what do you do if your relationship isn't quite here yet? Most couples aren't, while others have achieved some parts of Emotional Intimacy but skirted around the others.

Use this to identify areas you want to work on and discuss them with your partner.

QUESTIONS TO DETERMINE EMOTIONAL INTIMACY

1. TO A WOMAN: What does it take for you to feel safe in a relationship?

TO A MAN: What does it take for you to want to grow within a relationship?

What Your Partner’s Answer Means: Helps you identify the criteria that must be met in order for a relationship to grow.

2. Would you prefer that a person respects and admires you, or would you prefer that a person listens to your feelings and cherishes you?

What Your Partner’s Answer Means: Tells you who is the masculine energy and who is the feminine energy (does not relate to sexuality or sexual preference). In order for a romantic relationship to be successful, one person must be male energy (respect) and one must be female energy (cherish).

3. Have you ever cried in front of a past partner? If you haven’t, did you think if the situation became such where you wanted to cry you could so without fearing he/she would lose her respect for you?

What Your Partner’s Answer Means: Clues you into his/her ability to create and cultivate intimacy on a deeper level and whether past relationships have reached this level of trust.

4.  What was the happiest moment in your life? What was the saddest?  

What Your Partner’s Answer Means: Allows you to share in the telling of two pinnacle experiences of his/her life, which is emotional intimacy

 

 

 

7. Sexual Intimacy (Touching, sexual liberation, Physical contact, Romance, Copulation & procreation)

8. Unconditional Love (Love & Support without Strings, Expectations and Regrets)

 

The Eight Stages of Intimacy

[To achieve a successful relationship] 

 [ This is a long post so I am going to separate it into 8 different days or sections which talk about the individual 8 stages of how a relationship is created into intimacy (not sexual) (this wasn't written by me)  and then link them all together]

[Italics is my writing -FYI]

1. Physical Intimacy (Looks, etiquette, charisma)  (Stage 1)

2. Aesthetic Intimacy (Arts, style, Culture, General Compatibility)  (Stage 2)

3. Recreational Intimacy (Shared interests, sports & Hobbies) (Stage 3)

4. Intellectual Intimacy (Hopes, fears, opinions, beliefs) (Stage 4)

5. Spiritual Intimacy ( #Morality, #Ethics, #sharedExistence, & #Sharedgoals)

This is where the relationship really begins. One of the toughest stages to accomplish, many married couples never achieve spiritual intimacy. A lack of it is a key reason many fail to survive. When a couple progresses to this stage, there is a sense and meaning to the relationship. You share similar morals, #values and ethics. Your #futures are now inclusive in both the short term and the long term. Before a couple can reach spiritual intimacy,  each participant in the relationship must have already resolved the struggle with their own identity and defined who they are individually before the two can come together as a common entity. Spiritual Intimacy is where you and I become we. Siblings many  times will be your first introduction to reaching this level.

[It's very important not to rely on a person for happiness. When you find who you are, you will be able to answer your own questions of what you want with where you're going and compromise can be easier or harder if it's not meant to be. You and her or you and him become the actual item as recognized by others as them, almost like one person... not because you're inseparable but because you show each other value and respect that you coincide in a lot.]

You & your partner have achieved spiritual intimacy if you can answer Yes to all of these situations:

1.  When speaking to friends you no longer refer to you and your partner as individuals, you and he/she are we. 

2.  You introduce each other as boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife.

3.  You both know who you are and have resolved any mental/psychological, addiction and relationship issues from the past. Codependency does not exist in your relationship.

4.  You have short-term and long-term goals and #objectives based upon your relationship.

[As a couple having goals whether outwardly spoken are very important. You must know that the time invested is leading where you want and it isn't a misguidance. For example, You want to get married and he doesn't. Very conflicting issues. You can't change a person and should never expect a person to change. The first realization is that people or gentlemen don't chane (get that out of your), they only change if they want not not because someone would want them too. But, when you get to know people you will notice whether soem short term and long term goals will be able to be established.]

5.  Your morals and ethics have been articulated to each other and you are in agreement with each other regarding the basic #principles that define each of you.  These do not have to match perfectly, however those not in agreement must be tolerable to each partner. Most people assume spiritual intimacy is  about religious compatibility.  #Religion may play a small part because most religious teachings form our basic #foundations of what is #right and what is #wrong.   If you've found your relationships tend to break up before six months, it is likely you may never have experienced spiritual intimacy.  It is a #trust that takes time to both build and respect.

The following questions will allow you to explore spiritual intimacy with your partner.

QUESTIONS TO EXPLORE SPIRITUAL INTIMACY

1. What is the toughest lesson you have learned in life the hard way?

What Your Partner’s Answer Means: Clues you into whether he/she reflects upon his/her mistakes and learns from them.

2. Is your faith important to you? Why or why not?

What Your Partner’s Answer Means: Tells you if religion and spirituality are going to be an issue and if you both are compatible in morals and beliefs.

3. Describe your ideal relationship.

What Your Partner’s Answer Means: Helps you understand his or her aspirations and expectations in a relationship.

4.  Have you ever had a partner try to change you? What did you do? 

What Your Partner’s Answer Means:

1) Tells you if he/she is confident and likes him/herself 

2) Tells you if he/she is able to recognize manipulation and effectively diffuse it.

5.  What does Marriage mean to you?

What Your Partner’s Answer Means: Helps you understand his or her aspirations and expectations in a relationship and if his/her ideas are based on realistic achievements or fantasy.

6.  What is the longest period of time you've gone between romantic relationships?  How did you cope with the ending? 

What Your Partner’s Answer Means: Most adults have three serious romantic relationships,(six months or longer.  Anything less than six months is dating and not considered serious) before marrying in Western cultures.  Consider  this the apprentice stage, or marriage on training wheels.  You are learning what it means to love, be loved and work as a team.  You're defining  your  preferences, dislikes, what you are willing to put up with and what is nonnegotiable.  Concurrently each person in the relationship is growing, learning and maturing. Red flags occur if the person you are dating never has more than a couple of months between serious relationships and major red flags if he/she always has his/her next relationship lined up before leaving the existing one.  Unless you are looking for long-term misery, you do not what a serial relationship expert. Con artists fall in this category and also target others in this category. Generally this indicates a person who needs a relationship in order to feel validated; it is also a sign of co-dependency. 

Emotionally and spiritually healthy people will take time to grieve the end of a relationship, learn from it and take steps to better themselves whether through self-help,  classes  or expanding their interests. They can articulate what was good about the relationship and why it didn't work out.  Most importantly they take steps to not repeat the mistakes. They learn from them.

On the opposite end, people with three, five or ten years between relationships also put up red flags, though sometimes there are good reasons like the death of a spouse, the need to care for their children, starting a business or health concerns.  Find out why. Once is normal for life to circumvent relations. More than once can mean you are dealing with someone jaded, who has given up, refuses to trust, has set his/her expectations too high and is overly critical or has difficulty with intimacy.  Most adults will go one to two years between serious relationships.You owe it to yourself to explore your partners' past relationships. It is part of building trust.

[I suddenly feel red flagged at the end. But, I will reiterate that there are good reason why a person can go 6 plus years without a serious relationship and typically it's called life. Once you start building trust or if you have trust with the person ask questions get to know them better. Talk, and don't be shy. If you're thinking about the possibility of spending a life time with a person is better to know them than be surprised. I will say it here why I've been red flagged: it was a hard break-up, a unplanned pregnancy with depression, including trying to Graduate with my music degree while dropping my psych major, followed by no job after grad in 2007(who wants a none working person), my mom had a car accident in 2008 which I took care of her. Dr.s discovered brain tumor,parents lost their house so we were constantly moving (I did a lot of the work), moved 3 times until we got where we're at right now, in end of Feb 2010 headaches for mom got worse, took her for a check up and she was admitted to ICU immediate, that was the 3rd time we had to move... her surgery and day we had to be out of our home were the same day, talk about sympathy from landlords... and so a year and 4 months after, she's doing great. I'm working on myself and my son starts kindergarten. talk about everything settling and falling into a school routine. <--- that is the short version of my life from the last 6-7 yrs or so ... ]

 

 

6. Emotional Intimacy (Feelings, Trust, Security, Safety)

7. Sexual Intimacy (Touching, sexual liberation, Physical contact, Romance, Copulation & procreation)

8. Unconditional Love (Love & Support without Strings, Expectations and Regrets)

 

 

The eight Stages of Intimacy by Laura Lewis  

 

The Eight Stages of Intimacy

[To achieve a successful relationship] 

 [ This is a long post so I am going to separate it into 8 different days or sections which talk about the individual 8 stages of how a relationship is created into intimacy (not sexual) (this wasn't written by me)  and then link them all together]

[Italics is my writing -FYI]

1. Physical Intimacy (Looks, etiquette, charisma)  (Stage 1)

2. Aesthetic Intimacy (Arts, style, Culture, General Compatibility)  (Stage 2)

3. Recreational Intimacy (Shared interests, sports & Hobbies) (Stage 3)

4. #Intellectual Intimacy ( #Hopes, #fears, #opinions, #beliefs )

Reaching intellectual intimacy is the first true test of a relationship and where you first begin to #trust your partner with your deeper self. This is where you share your hopes, fears, opinions and beliefs without fear of ridicule or chastising. It is within intellectual intimacy you learn how to mirror each other, validate the other’s point of topic and engage in ideas. Your closest friendships will also achieve this level of intimacy. Intellectual Intimacy doesn't really have a lot to do with IQ or relative education, though studies have shown in the majority of successful marriage, the man and the woman are within five IQ points of each other. Intellectual Intimacy is about  the core motivations and character of an individual. 

You and your partner have solid intellectual intimacy if you can answer Yes to all of these situations:

1.  Both your & your partner know what each of you are afraid( #fears ) of and you both make an effort to keep each other from those situations and stimuli.

2.  Opinions, even those you don't agree on can be stated, argued and acknowledge without fear of ridicule, abandonment or abuse. Especially true for such heated issues as #politics, #religion, #parenting and #sexuality where you may strongly disagree.

3.  Without realizing it, you and your partner often mirror each other's actions, gestures and speaking style.

4.  You know what your partner's life #goals, hopes & #dreams are.

What about religion, which is part of Intellectual Intimacy?  Seeking your spouse, it is perfectly acceptable to state, "I only date Jewish men" or "I only date Christians".  This is not racist and you are not being prejudice; you're being practical.  Relationships are hard enough without mixing in different theologies.  If your beliefs are strong and your faith is a major center of your life, this is referred to as a "non-negotiable", a value or principle you require in a spouse. We recommend having 3-5 non-negotiables (more than five and you are too picky; less and you  are too desperate), which anyone you date must have.

[You start to decide and set your own boundaries. What type of person and what are the deciding factors.]

For myself they were: 1) Christian, (Catholic or Protestant didn't matter as long as he is devote), 2) wants (more) children, 3) college educated or an entrepreneur and 4) highly intelligent.  Everything else like height,  income, likes, dislikes even race fell under preferences and if he had them, were bonuses. Same principle goes for race when we're talking about your life partner.  There is nothing wrong with saying you want your spouse to be Asian, or white or black…this person will be your spouse and the parent of your children.  You are entitled to be picky.  If race is important to you in the conception of children, then make it one of your non-negotiables; but remember you only get five so make them count.

Below are key questions to ask yourself about your partner.  If you can answer all of these by knowing your partners responses, it  means you've explored and established physical intimacy.  Unlike the first 3 stages, questions pertaining to Intellectual Intimacy should be reserved for people you already know, rather than those you are meeting for the first time.

QUESTIONS TO UNLOCK INTELLECTUAL INTIMACY.

1.  What is the biggest misconception people have about you?

What Your Partner’s Answer Means: Allows you to understand him/her from the perception he/she believes others have of him/her.

2.  Where do you see yourself in ten years? 

What Your Partner’s Answer Means: Clues you in to his/her aspirations, dreams, and goals. Also lets you know if this is a person who defines their destiny or lets others do it for him/her.

3.  What do you consider to be your greatest accomplishment? 

What Your Partner’s Answer Means: Lets you find out what he/she thinks of as important and what his/her values are.

4.  How do you define success? 

What Your Partner’s Answer Means: Lets you find out what he/she thinks of as important and what his/her values are.

5.  Can you define your principles...what do you stand for and why?

What Your Partner's Answers Mean: Very few people can articulate their principles and  these should be easy, off the top of your head in sixty-seconds or less.  If he or she can, you are dealing with a person who is not easily manipulated, strong in conviction and thinks critically. Principles can change over time due to new information and  experiences.  They are dynamic  rather  than static, yet they remain the benchmark each of us measures our decisions against.

6. Where do you stand on, (pick any hot topic from current events) and why is  that  your position?

What Your Partner's Answers Mean: This will tell you if he or she thinks critically or if he or she simply parrots the pundits, whether he/she consults both sides of an argument, where his or her values lie and what he or she stands for.  

This is the definition of a "loaded question".  A well-informed person should be able to argue both sides of any topic effectively and then through an explanation of his or her principles explain with facts why he or she thinks that way.  Someone who thinks critically will  avoid propaganda techniques  like  name-calling/characterizations, speaking broadly with no verifiable facts, (a critical thinker will know where the facts came from though he or she may need to do some work to provide them) and filibustering...talking over your points and not allowing you to justify your position.  

By the way, an honest person with intellectual curiosity, should it be an issue he/she is not well versed in, (everyone has his/her areas of knowledge and unknowns) will state something along the lines of, "I don't know enough about that issue to give you an opinion at this time.  Tell me what you think about it and why you choose  that position."  This also tells you the person is open minded and willing to learn, which is a good thing.

Pay close attention to the answers to these questions.  Serious relationship problems begin with incompatibilities in Intellectual Intimacy. They will tell you more about the real person in front of you and give you a solid insight to the person behind the public image he or she portrays.

 

 

5. Spiritual Intimacy (Morality, Ethics, shared Existence, & Shared goals)

6. Emotional Intimacy (Feelings, Trust, Security, Safety)

7. Sexual Intimacy (Touching, sexual liberation, Physical contact, Romance, Copulation & procreation)

8. Unconditional Love (Love & Support without Strings, Expectations and Regrets)

 

 

The eight Stages of Intimacy by Laura Lewis  

 

 

Recreational Intimacy

The Eight Stages of Intimacy

[To achieve a successful relationship] 

 [ This is a long post so I am going to separate it into 8 different days or sections which talk about the individual 8 stages of how a relationship is created into intimacy (not sexual) (his wasn't written by me)  and then link them all together]

[Italics is my writing -FYI]

 

 

1. Physical Intimacy (Looks, etiquette, charisma)  (Stage 1)

2. Aesthetic Intimacy (Arts, style, Culture, General Compatibility)  (Stage 2)

 

3. #Recreational #Intimacy (#Shared interests, #sports & #Hobbies) 

Many of your friends or close clients will reach this level. The people you spend time with, go to #games with, to the #movies, #shopping or share #common-interests constitute recreational intimacy. For couples, both partners will have several common interests, while reserving others for themselves. But what happens if she is into extreme sports and he prefers to paint and read?

Having both common and separate activities is crucial to success.  Even married couples need activities that they do by themselves or with friends that do not include the spouse. This helps each in the relationship to maintain his or her unique identity and provides a mini vacation from couplehood, even if that vacation is only an hour or two.

Likewise, having shared activities is one of  the most wonderful things about being a couple. It means you almost always have someone to share activities with. The objective of recreational intimacy is to find enough in common with the other person that you will enjoy your time together.  This can be current activities or things you'd like to try.  

You & your partner enjoy recreational intimacy if you both can answer Yes to all of these situations:

1.  You both enjoy spending time together and it really doesn't matter what you do.

2.  You can name your partner's favorite sports, movies and leisure activities.

3.  You both have activities you enjoy together and those you reserve for yourself and your friends.

(in reference to an activity you do with friends doesn't have to be shopping or watching sports)

4.  You do not get upset if your partner spends occasional time without you pursuing his/her own interests.

5.  You enjoy exploring new experiences with your partner.

Below are key questions to ask yourself about your partner.  If you can answer all of these by knowing your partners responses, it  means you've explored and established recreational intimacy.  These are also great questions for parties and gatherings.  People love to speak about what they are passionate about.  Activities associated with recreational intimacy are often the very activities that a person loves and lives to do.

QUESTIONS TO ESTABLISH RECREATIONAL INTIMACY

1.  What is the most extreme activity you have ever participated in?

What Your Partner’s Answer Means: Tells you how much of a risk taker he or she is and whether you are compatible in this area of risk tolerance.

2.  What is your fondest memory from childhood of your father?

What Your Partner’s Answer Means: Clues you into his/her relationship with his/her father and what activities hold a special sentiment for him/her.

3.  Do you have any hobbies? What are they?

What Your Partner’s Answer Means: Helps you identify if he or she has interests outside of work or if work is his/her primary means of fulfillment.

4.  What would you like to do that you haven’t done yet?

What Your Partner’s Answer Means: Helps you understand if his/her dreams and goals are compatible with yours.

5.  If you won the lottery tonight, what is the first fun activity you would do?

What Your Partner’s Answer Means: Helps you understand if his/her dreams and goals are compatible with yours.

6.  Who is your favorite athlete and why?

What Your Partner’s Answer Means: Identifies the type of spectator sports he/she enjoys but also gives you an insight into Stage 4, Intellectual Intimacy and what characteristics he/she admire

 

 

4. Intellectual Intimacy (Hopes, fears, opinions, beliefs)

5. Spiritual Intimacy (Morality, Ethics, shared Existence, & Shared goals)

6. Emotional Intimacy (Feelings, Trust, Security, Safety)

7. Sexual Intimacy (Touching, sexual liberation, Physical contact, Romance, Copulation & procreation)

8. Unconditional Love (Love & Support without Strings, Expectations and Regrets)

 

 

The eight Stages of Intimacy by Laura Lewis  

 

The Eight Stages of Intimacy

[To achieve a successful relationship] 

 [ This is a long post so I am going to separate it into 8 different days or sections which talk about the individual 8 stages of how a relationship is created into intimacy (not sexual) (his wasn't written by me)  and then link them all together]

[Italics is my writing -FYI]

 

 

1. Physical Intimacy (Looks, etiquette, charisma)

 

2. Aesthetic Intimacy (#Arts, #style, #Culture, #General #Compatibility) 

Have you ever met a new friend and been amazed at all of the interests you have in common? This is #aesthetic intimacy. To reach this level, you begin to get to know the other person’s tastes in music, clothes, food, art and many other areas. If you ever want to find out if you are aesthetically compatible with a potential mate, go to a furniture store, art gallery or even a clothing store to find out what styles each of you like.

Aesthetic Intimacy is your first look into #compatibility.  For example, if nice furniture and quality goods are important to you, getting  into a relationship with someone who doesn't care about appearances and considers cheap to be adequate is a recipe for trouble. Other possible conflicts arise with tastes, like music.  If she likes Rap and only listens to this type of music, and you can't stand it, but listen to everything else, you can read this as an opportunity to expand her horizons, a  torture chamber for your ears or as an indication she is closed to new ideas and experiences.

You & your partner are aesthetically compatible if you both can answer Yes to all of these situations:

1.  Your choices in music, theater, art and home furnishings/decor though they may not be exactly the same, are tastes each of you can appreciate, live with and share together.

2.  Your differences in nutritional preferences are politically and theologically compatible.

3.  Your clothing styles, body ornamentation and jewelry choices are complimentary and do not cause embarrassment to each other. (i.e.: an attorney or business executive will have a difficult time taking a spouse to a function if he or she adorns with nose rings, visible tattoos or purple hair).

Below are key questions to ask yourself about your partner.  If you can answer all of these by knowing your partners responses, it  means you've explored and established aesthetic intimacy.  These are also great questions for parties and gatherings when you want to learn about new people.

 

QUESTIONS FOR UNCOVERING AESTHETIC INTIMACY

1) What is your favorite type of food?

What Your Partner’s Answer Means: Tells you if you’ll enjoy eating with this person and also alerts you to possible problems. Example: Vegan’s don’t tend to do well with meat lovers.

2) Thinking about your home, would you describe yourself as:

a.  A neat person

b.  A creatively organized but somewhat housekeeping-challenged person

c.  Your mother’s worst nightmare?

What Your Partner’s Answer Means: Let’s you decide if his/her lifestyle will be compatible with yours or

if arguments about housekeeping will become a way of life.

3) Who is your favorite author and why?

What Your Partner’s Answer Means: Tells you if he/she reads, what type of stories he/she likes and also gives you a glimpse into his/her educational background and lifestyle choices. I.E. Likes DH Lawrence. He/she reads classic literature, is educated and enjoys foreplay, adventure and sensual sex 

4) Name your top 5 favorite Movies (play, painter etc) of All Time:

What Your Partner’s Answer Means: Tells you what type of stories he/she likes, gives you a glimpse into his/her educational background, morals and lifestyle choices.

5) If you had $25,000 to furnish a home with, where would you shop?

a.  Levitz, Ikea, Sears or comparable Store

b.  Through the want ads looking for Estate and Garage Sales

c.  Ethan Allen, Thomasville, Expressions or other comparable store

d.  Custom or unfinished furniture store

e.  Boutiques and Antique Shops

What Your Partner’s Answer Means: If he/she chooses 

a.  Quantity of furnishings over quality.  Budget minded and time constrained. Not big on decorating or status; prefers out of the box solutions. Middle class mindset.

b.  Bargain Hunter: Likes to find unique and eclectic items, enjoys the hunt and adventure.  Never pays retail or full price.  Adventurer mindset and crosses all socio-economic levels

c.  Quality and prestige are important, fewer pieces but better quality. Status important. Buys for the long term but still budget minded; upper middle class mindset.

d.  Likes unique & unusual.  Wants items that reflect individuality or enjoys creating. Upper middle class mindset or consummate do-it-yourselfer

e.  Connoisseur.  Looks for very high quality and legacy items.  Would rather own one or two good pieces than a household.  Upper middle class or prestige mindset.

 [She describes this pretty well. Which is also something you can have in common with friends which is why it's important. It establishes a unique compatibility in which if it's a friend you can shop or help each other decide but it's a potential love interest you find out more about them and their personality. We know for the most part gentlemen hate shopping (hey so do I, actually) but it's still a nice way to learn more about each other and possibly the trust you can have with each other. We don't want a "yes" man or women so tastes and opinions are very important. Especially if this leads to a stable relationship and you will create a home environment. Clashing and compromising would be beneficial at the beginning not when it's too late.]

  

3. Recreational Intimacy (Shared interests, sports & Hobbies)

 

4. Intellectual Intimacy (Hopes, fears, opinions, beliefs)

 

5. Spiritual Intimacy (Morality, Ethics, shared Existence, & Shared goals)

 

6. Emotional Intimacy (Feelings, Trust, Security, Safety)

 

7. Sexual Intimacy (Touching, sexual liberation, Physical contact, Romance, Copulation & procreation)

 

8. Unconditional Love (Love & Support without Strings, Expectations and Regrets)

 

 

The eight Stages of Intimacy by Laura Lewis  

 

The Eight Stages of Intimacy

[To achieve a successful relationship] 

 [ This is a long post so I am going to separate it into 8 different days or sections which talk about the individual 8 stages of how a relationship is created into intimacy (not sexual) (his wasn't written by me)  and then link them all together]

[Italics is my writing -FYI]

Is your relationship everything you ever hoped for? Does it feel like something is missing or maybe it’s just note quite what you are looking for? Do your romances crash and burn before six months?

The following illustrates the eight different stages of intimacy. With your life partner, achievement of at least seven of the eight leads to relationship success. With friends, coworkers and associates, you’ll match in some, but not all.

TO ACHIEVE TRUE INTIMACY, TWO IDEAS MUST BE PRESENT: SAFETY & CONNECTEDNESS

SAFETY means that as the relationship grows between two people. Should something frighten, upset or threaten you, your partner becomes the safe haven, the person you seek rather than avoid. Safety is something a person earns through trust and actions.

CONNECTEDNESS or more commonly chemistry is that feeling that you are in tune with the other person; you have enough common ground to feel comfortable yet enough differences to keep things interesting. True intimacy cannot be achieved without feelings of safety and feelings of connectedness.

 

If you're just starting to date again, and are tired of unfulfilling relationships and short-term romances (less than six months), the eight stages will help you achieve a loving relationship by giving you a step by step guide to dating. Make a commitment to yourself to explore each stage in-depth with a potential mate before proceeding to the next. Most superficial relationships will fall apart during stages four through six, the very stages most people skip in order to experiment in seven. Then they wonder why the relationship didn't last! When you finish this article, you may be enlightened

 

[Stage 1 and/orvDay 1]

1. Physical Intimacy (Looks, etiquette, charisma)

 

Commonly referred to as infatuation or puppy love, physical intimacy occurs through information you acquire through observation, the way the person thinks, speaks, looks and interacts with their surroundings. Generally, if you are attracted to someone of the opposite sex, you share physical intimacy. You will also find most of your friends via physical intimacy, realizing that there is something about this person you like and you would like to get to know them better.

You & your partner have physically intimacy if you both can answer Yes to all of these situations:

1. You like something about the way your partner looks, sounds and/or smells.

2. You are proud to be seen together or enjoy being together.

3. When you think about your partner or see a picture of him/her, you think or feel positively. 

[These are guidelines that I thought were very interesting, and I'm being quite frank since I'm new to the dating world because I had given up on love, I read these and thought they were good and they explain a lot of how and why we sometimes fail at creating a strong bond.

The first step just how all guys mention is the physical appearance of the opposite sex (which most guys talk about hot chicks),  but there is more to the hotness you witness but it's by in large the biggest part. It's obvious that if there is no attraction to a person you can't continue onto the next steps. ]

 

2. Aesthetic Intimacy (Arts, style, Culture, General Compatibility) 

 

3. Recreational Intimacy (Shared interests, sports & Hobbies)

 

4. Intellectual Intimacy (Hopes, fears, opinions, beliefs)

 

5. Spiritual Intimacy (Morality, Ethics, shared Existence, & Shared goals)

 

6. Emotional Intimacy (Feelings, Trust, Security, Safety)

 

7. Sexual Intimacy (Touching, sexual liberation, Physical contact, Romance, Copulation & procreation)

 

8. Unconditional Love (Love & Support without Strings, Expectations and Regrets)

 

 

The eight Stages of Intimacy by Laura Lewis  

[Read this and thought it was interesting, hope you enjoy]

Body Language: 10 stages to Physical Intimacy

 

One of the things I get asked so often as Sex Appeal and Sexual Confidence Coach is: "How do I know when it's time to take things to the next level?"

Here are ten silent speech steps leading from first advances to getting physically intimate. Hopefully next time you know what to look out for and how to respond. Remember, with body language, look for clusters of behaviour rather than one isolated move.

1. Eyeing the body. When a formal encounter becomes more friendly, gaze drops from the upper business triangle (right eye - left eye - nose and back to right eye) to the lower parts of the face and upper parts of the body. Be alert for this shift which sometimes involves the other person changing his or her body posture including moving back slightly to take in more of your face.

2. Eyeing the eyes. As intimacy increases and so does the amount of eye contact, resulting in those long soulful looks. A refusal to return eye-contact in this erotically charged moment sends a message that you are not certain or are uninterested.

3. Hand touches hand. Contact is usually light but lingering. It may also be disguised as accidental touching or socially accepted behaviour like placing hand beneath the elbow to guide him or her through a crowded area.

4. Hand touches shoulder. Once again this message can be hidden within a socially accepted behaviour. Up to this point either side can withdraw from the encounter and pretend it didn't happen. If you are the one who made the advance you do not lose too much pride. But once this silent speech has been crossed there can be no going back without suffering a severe blow to your pride.

5. Arm encircles waist. This signals a desire for far greater intimacy. If this is accepted then things move pretty quickly to the next step...uh-um!

6. Mouth Touches Mouth. Once a kiss is exchanged, kissing chemical information is passed on from one person to the other. Kissing adds another sense to the encounter besides smell - that of taste. Taste is not just about saliva but also about body temperature.

The temperature of a normal, healthy human being is 37° C ( 98.4° F), but skin temperature is always lower than this and varies according to our emotional state. When we are anxious or afraid this temperature drops. If we are relaxed or sexually aroused, the temperature increases. During the more intimate stages of a sexual encounter, the fall in body heat sends a message to our sexual partner who interprets it - usually correctly - as lack of interest, dislike, unease or disapproval. People who are emotionally cold are also likely to be physically cold. When a man or woman is described as "hot stuff" or we speak of a "warm embrace" it may well be almost literally true. As they become more passionate "hot people" really do get hot and their partner reads this - correctly - as revealing their emotional state as well.

7. Hand caresses head. Usually women tend to reach for the head before men. Hand caressing head indicates increasing trust between two people because heads are extremely vulnerable - only those we feel close to can touch without us jumping or protesting.

8. Hand fondles body. This is either through clothes or probing under them. Some people close their eyes to concentrate more on their senses of temperature and smell. But keeping eyes open and maintaining eye contact is even more powerful. Not only are you you using your visual, touch, sound and taste senses you also are using the smell sense.

During physical intimacy, not only is sense of smell powerful in evoking emotions, it is also becomes more sensitive to the unique signature smell of our sexual partner. Odours act powerfully on the nervous system arriving at the part of the brain responsible for memory and for preparing us for pleasurable experiences.

The best advice when anticipating this stage of physical intimacy is to use any perfume sparingly and to allow natural body odour to work for you by not disguising or covering it with man-made products. The better feel each of you has for the other as a person, the more easily and happily it will happen.

Guys: Let her become familiar with it. Women especially those who are not taking the oral contraceptive pill have a far greater sense of smell and are drawn to the fresh male odour any day.

Ladies: Let him smell you. Encourage him to smell you around your period. Its the closest your body comes to estrus or heat.

9. Mouth caresses body. When this stage is reached, sexual intercourse is very likely to take place - under the right circumstances.

10. Hand caresses genitals. At this stage the only remaining stage is genital - to - genital contact.

Just two more things about body odour:

1. Sniffing in your partner is a highly sensual affair, however that bacteria fertile breeding ground with the unpleasant acrid penetrating and pungent stale smell of unwashed body is likely to counter any benefits from pheromones. To produce more of that clean body odour, take a good shower before you start exercising and skip the shower after. After you've built up a sweat, let him/her get to know your natural odour.

2. When two people sniff each other out, there is a period of time - on average lasting for around 18 months to three years when the chemical is produced in the brain in large quantities and during this period passion and sexual activity is at its height. What keeps us hooked up is the other person's individual body scent. But like all good things, the positive effects wear off after a certain period of time. Divorce rates peak at around four years into marriage.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/260854

Yesterday I went to the band camp of the school where I give privates and I was given a wrong time about the sectionals so I missed them very upsetting!!!!!!! So there is this new young clarinetist or who is barely learning... So I asked the teacher if I can take her to the side and help her out. Yes, this would be considered a lesson or longer but I did it free of charge, why? I was already there and I felt I had to do something...

So, there are a lot of fingering issues but when she gets a sound out it's pretty good, better than some who already play. But, now we have to teach her everything else.

Anyways, I was  checking the clarinet for leeks... air links but when I press everything and test it, it was ok... but she wasn't able to make much sound so I decided to try it out. It worked ok for a little and then as I was going to the lower notes it was working but those notes worked fine with the register key but as I was going higher in range they weren't working...

of course, being the teacher to my specified instrument I can't just leave the instrument like that... it was the e-flat side key, it was slightly open and it wouldn't quite seal. I took the keys off and put them back but it wasn't sealing. I didn't know what to do a rubber band would be a quick fix but guess what, we had no rubber bands. I found this little wire thing my son takes from the stores (you knows those to close the lil grocery bags) well I just in a ghetto way closed it and the key couldn't be opened... I told her not to worry about it and I would talk to the director to get his repair man to look at it... but I had 30 minutes until they had a break but the clarinet worked. 

(this starter repair kit is ok...it comes with a lil knife as well but the pads don't work from here... you need pads that would promote leaking air. I have my student clarinet with these pads and I can't get it to play. medium woven clarinet pads would be ok <-- you have to be careful whether they can will glue or you need it and taking the key, out and using the lighter and not burning the pad or a quick fix can also be fish paper to help make the pad seal.)

I was just thinking and thinking time came and I told him about it and said the repair man wasn't available until next week. There was no rush but even a new student deserves to have a playing instrument. After I told him I decided to give it a go one more time... I took out the keys once again but I tightened the spring this time and bend it just slightly. And it finally locked but there was a clicking sound... I hate when they keys hit each other... Now, I thought I might have a little cork in my instrument case but didn't... so I found a piece of paper but I needed glue or something sticky, finally found tape so that actually fixed the key... 

My freshman year in college I took instrument repair as my community service project and it was with my first clarinet teacher... we all learned about different instruments but we all focused mainly on our personal ones. Now, year later I'm still applying a little of what I learned but I would like to take an actual course to learn more about repairs. I could even make extra money doing it. 

i have so many interests and loves, I just wish there was more of me to be able to do and accomplish it all and still be happy. C

Clarinet repair would be fun and a joy! I could take it apart, clean it, and just enjoy the puzzle until or putting the pieces back together while trying to figure out the problem.

 

Ok, from my last posts on my encounters on religion... this is still confusing times. I can neither accept or deny whether some things that happen are just coincidence or the "mysterious" works of God... I still go to mass and I feel peace and I feel very happy. 

But, there is something that has been bugging me and I have briefly brought it up but it's been dismissed. No one can really explain it and just leave it as it is. Which I can't conform to in this sense. I don't understand, there can possibilities but when you bring those up, you're considered wrong but that in itself is not right. I've even brought it up to my mom and sort of confused her and got an answer she wasn't expecting to give and then retracted. I've been doing that a lot to her lately. Mainly because she's gotten more devout and I want to see how her faith is in strength as in belief rather than just blindly following. You know what I'm saying? I believe but I want to know more. I have faith but I seek answers. My mom just follows and does what she's told. Thankfully she didn't join a convent when she was 20 or neither of us siblings would have been born.  

So, I usually attend spanish mass with my parents but the last 2 Sundays I've been going to mass earlier and in English, not that it makes a difference but I like earlier, so more free time after. I was listening to the Creed (Oh and I go to Catholic Mass, just in case you even cared)

And was listening to the Nicene Creed: 

"We believe in one God, the Father, the Almighty, maker of heaven and earth, and of all that is, seen and unseen.
We believe in one Lord, Jesus Christ, the only Son of God, eternally begotten of the Father, God from God, Light from Light, true God from true God, begotten, not made, one in Being with the Father. Through him all things were made. For us men and for our salvation, he came down from heaven: by the power of the Holy Spirit he was born of the Virgin Mary, and became man. For our sake he was crucified under Pontius Pilate; he suffered, died, and was buried. On the third day he rose again in fulfillment of the Scriptures; he ascended into heaven and is seated at the right hand of the Father. He will come again in glory to judge the living and the dead, and his kingdom will have no end.
We believe in the Holy Spirit, the Lord, the giver of life, who proceeds from the Father and the Son. With the Father and the Son he is worshipped and glorified. He has spoken through the Prophets. We believe in one holy catholic and apostolic Church. We acknowledge one baptism for the forgiveness of sins. We look for the resurrection of the dead, and the life of the world to come."

(Father, the son and the Holy Spirit) 

Ok, so how is it that they're one in the same? I get the holy spirit and being the messenger of God to impregnate a very Virgin Mary but how can God have a son, who is truly himself to suffer and still hold his spot as a ruler, and take away the sins of everybody. Two places at once? Or is it not two places at once but 2 different?

But in the creed it says, "  he suffered, died, and was buried. On the third day he rose again in fulfillment of the Scriptures; he ascended into heaven and is seated at the right hand of the Father."

According to my understanding, they're all in the same. It's God and he controls all three which is why it's the Holy Trinity but how are they not the same but they are the same? If they're the same ONE God how can the son and the Father be sitting next to each other. When do they become one? Are they ever one in the same or are they separate? And if they are separate then don't we have more than one God and we believe in the possibility of poly-theism and not just one God how the church is always trying to exclaim. Or if it is truly one God then which one is which and who are we to follow if it's one. Why create different personas?

I'm not trying to bring down anything or even the Christianity religion but how do you explain it? Is it the same concepts in all Christian Sectors? Is Catholicism different? 

I'm just trying to make sense of it for my sanity. I know you're probably thinking I shouldn't think of it? But, have you thought of it before in your quest to answers? Or never questioned and just believe what you're told? If you just follow how do you even know you're following the correct path and that what you were thought wasn't wrong? I think that when a person questions and understand then maybe they can believe or not more peacefully but I wont feel blind in the belief even in you can't proof or see... but I need more than a answer of trust.... Who can we really trust? 

Tell me how this makes sense to you...

So haha I was.. well I am watching 27 dresses I love that movie. So I was thinking of the the many times women catch the bouquet. You know, I love romantic comedies... I'm a sucker and I think I always talk about how hopeless I am. 

 

So back to the reason  why I was thinking about this...  In wedding it's a tradition for the single women to catch the bouquet. I forgot what the real reasoning is... but I was always encouranged to catch it by my mom and her friends.  I was never a fan but I guess it's suppose to mean that you're suppose to get married after... or it brings luck to finding someone and or good luck in marriage. I don't know... But, when I was younger I caught a few(when I was young, useless) but for the most part in the last years I've really avoided even trying to catch a bouquet or weddings or 15aneras...  

So, i broke my rule in 2 wedding I went to last year. Well one I went up but stood there and didn't try to catch the bouquet, I did it to please. Lol, I know. 

And the other I had to be there. Well, i didn't have to but it was a close friend's wedding and I was a bridesmaid.

(yea, I didn't like the way the make-up artist did our make-up)

There was so many friends there... It was quite a wedding... it actually came out on the WE channel ... My Fair Wedding with David Tutera, the theme was Phamton of the opera which aired in January 2011, the second episode of the season,

lol... but anyways, yea so I tried catching the bouquet and (since I'm talking about 27 dresses, always a bridesmaid never a bride) go to on this video (again 27 dresses not the wedding) to 8 mins and like 10 seconds... you see what happens to her ...

(watch 8:10 into this movie)

Haha, yea we laugh but it actually happened to me in real life. All I remember is seeing the bouquet coming my way.

I put my hands up. I think I closed my eyes though but I caught the bouquet... felt all these hands getting it, and next thing I knew I was on the floor. But it happened so quick that the girls got me on my feet fast. I had my eyes closed until I was up... it was strange being on the floor with a bouquet of roses I admit... haha!! Good times!! Rose pedals everywhere from the bouquet. 

Yea, that bouquet got damage. 

That day was very special for her and I caught the bouquet which I still have. Her theme, the masks, chandeliers, 

The roses... 

It was a magical night. I had so much fun I even forgot that a few days I had been in tears. This night was very hopeful for romance and seeing the way my friend had been together for 10 yrs and finally tied the knot and they're still sweet as ever. A couple like that even though they have their hard times.... they always try their best to keep it all together. I admire them. 

*sigh* Romance can be so precious... 

Does anyone have a story about their experience catching the bouquet? Has anybody heard what the catching of the bouquet's signification really is?