Yesterday after mass my dad decided to randomly suggest we leave for the day... I was a little reluctant. He had actually wanted to leave since saturday. So we got home and instead of deciding to make food we asked if he  was serious and whether he was or not we all got ready and we woke up my brother and all left. Sure there was a little tension at first but once we got out there we relaxed... tthe parents disappeared and since kids aren't really allowed inside much my bro, Danny and I went for a walk ...

My brother and son want to go back but want more family to go so we're going to try and make a family event out of it so w3e can go swimming in the river and spend the day or 2 there and relax. Danny still wants to go back. 

My brother being silly and pointing the way out 

There you see my Dad, my Mom, and Danny 

A small wave from the Colorado River hit us a little higher and Danny screamed 

Getting comfortable with the water

First time he liked the water... yay running around! 

My mom and my brother

Danny and my bro actually got all the way in. (I was shocked Danny loved the water) 

brother just cooling down on a hot hot day

This was the casino we went to, view from the river

We went on a boat ride 

It felt great

Random people 

=D 

4 Marine helicopters about to land  

Hopefully we get to go back soon. I spend my last hour and a half there inside learning how to play roulette. I think I got pretty good at it but the smoke or smokers was getting to my throat. I guess I've been getting sick for a while and it finally hit me real hard. Oh well, some much needed bed time, extra sleeping, but hate the ear infections and sleeping all day thing... 

But, it was worth is and loved sunday! 

I took my mom to the bank today. And where we live in the high desert we're a really distributed minority. Actually you rarely see hispanic people. Probably the only place you will see Hispanic people is the Spanish mass they hold on Sundays. And I don't know if it's my imagination or if I read too much into it but there is always a teacher that greets all the kids when they're dropped off... I see her say hello to all the kids ... well with exception of my son. My son doesn't really look hispanic most people confuse him for being mixed (or I don't know if they still do but they did) but he's Hispanic (I think, fully, I think haha). And Every morning I see her and she greets all other kids but she never says a word to my son. It's not that I'm going to make her, it's not the point but it makes me wonder why she skips him... maybe it's because he's small and his mission is going straight to class and wont acknowledge her. But, then again to other kids who aren't looking she'll greet them and even say hello to the parents in the car. I don't have a a great car but it's nicer than some other's but that's not the point she never greets me either. I guess the wonder just comes to my mind. 

I do have to say though when I went to the University I went to one which was predominantly white, all the people were great and I never felt like an outsider or the need to join a Latino group or a minority group, I did what I could to fit but I did see a lot of friends struggle instead of adapting which always made me sad. I know what it feels like being the only mexican and female in a crowd of 100+ , having my personality I will say I felt a little rather odd especially when I feel I don't fit but I make the best of the situation but school gave me comfort and security. Now where I live now, it's hardly liberal... very very conservative. I actually feel awkward at times even when I go grocery shopping... it can be my imagination... or is it? I guess it's a time when I'm finally happy we're moving back to what I know has been home since June 1998. Don't get me wrong... I love it here, the beauty of the high desert, the wind, the cold evenings, the fresh air, the view of the mountains, the long drive down. I love the house we have here,the space... But, the eyes of people staring... or am I going crazy... but I've lived here for like year and a half and those staring eyes should have ideally stopped but nope. Maybe I'm paranoid...

Anyways enough of my tangent so I took my mom to the bank. And while I was there my son started crying because he was hungry. He had just gotten out of school. I was just looking back to talk to him and reassure them that it was a quick stop so a white car pulls up next to me and parks. I did a double take when I saw this man... he was wearing this bandanna ↓

I was curious so I think I kept somewhat looking while still trying to calm my son. I think he felt my brief stares... lol  but what's not to look at especially when you notice what he's wearing on his head. I think he had a bad day because he looked rather upset. So I know he looked my way a few times... And then he went into the bank... 

I get bored to I just look around and play with my phone. But, since I can't do much with my phone (only in that area- poor service) I just look distracted. So, I look into cars ... 

So I was looking into this guy's car who just happened to go into the bank and since he was already wearing a bandanna with many confederate flags... I just stopped thinking about it... out of sight, out of mind until I see what he had hanging from his front mirror. It's a little noose... I don't know and I didn't want to jump into conclusions but I found it oddly funny. (oh yea, and that's the picture of his car, I took... it was too good to pass up of a pic. I almost took a pic of him as he was sitting but I thought that would be too obvious) 

I can't assume anything (even though you know what I'm inferring , I think) but what would you think... *shrug* 

This is what the water taxi looked like. My mom and I were lucky that it was paid round trip for us twice. =D It sure saved us $64 together. 

Sunset ... loved it!! 

this is actually the glare from the moon on the water but my phone didn't give it justice. 

My mom and I on Saturday our last night out there and in the Water Taxi ... We were on our way to dinner. 

It's been over a week since I've been back since my trip to Washington, DC and since then it's been hit with an earthquake and a hurricane... I'll be honest but it  doesn't matter much but I haven't blogged because my head is full of thought. I had a great time in DC but I'm rather worried or thinking about Ray  but that's everything and then some of what I'm holding in my heart... (this is for me but I feel saying is rather than keeping it in) 

Anyways, it's something I needed to let out because right now I can't right think. Well I can think but ... I'm still blank. There is so much I want to say but to him I don't care about anything else right now. My mind is flooded but regardless of my concern there are great things happening. I guess to begin one of the great things I look forward to is yet another move but this time a bit more definite. We're moving from the high desert and even though I learned to love it and especially the wind there just isn't any jobs up here and a commute would be more costly than the one I'm already making. 

I got a call from the district to finish my one requirement to work this year since I didn't get paid last year which is ok... I'm with terms it was my fault for not having money  to make money. My mom's case is over so if we move the job hunt sure will be easier and you bet I'm going to bombard myself with  work and work and work so I can save money and be able to spend money after 4 years plus of limits.

My small debt collectors are finding me which is great I can take care of business soon and let it be over with and life has the biggest potential for it to be great again just as it once was... 

Anyways, I guess I just need to write a little... but I'm just here to post some pics... 

I took a pic with my camera but none gave justice like this one on my phone. We were on a water taxi on the Potomac River coming back from Alexandria. 

The hotel in the evening light ... very beautiful. 

A view from the Convention center. 

This is inside the Hotel, so beautiful and peaceful. 

Taxi driver left us right in front of the Washington Monument 

One of the small goals was to get here... =D 

We're so close ... 

United State Navy Memorial 

At the beginning on the walk the sky was blue and clear. Can you see the sky now? Dark clouds =D 

We're down the street walking towards it and ... 

We couldn't make it close... it started pouring. I still wanted to wait until the rain stopped a bit and keep walking. I wanted to walk the maybe 2+ miles to the Lincoln Monument but some people got us a taxi and ended up not being able to keep walking. We were soaked anyways... walking a few more hours wouldn't have made a difference except see beautiful DC in the glowing with light, night time. 

Natural disasters happen all over the world...  Some have caused chaos, pain and destruction to people's lives... We've seen or heard of places around the world be hit ... (i.e Katrina, tsunamis just Japan and so many more...) 

When I was in college I remember our band director had a home in Florida which was hit by a hurricane and he had to leave us for a small while to fix it ... I'm sure it wasn't a major loss but nonetheless it was hit by a hurricane. I know many people have had experiences, losses of homes and I hope not many have lost family... 

How do you prepare for a hurricane?

Last week as we were passing by Denver, the Airport had quite a few tornado shelters so I started thinking... Well I've never experienced anything close to a tornado and even though in the high school where I teach music they've had a few tornado warnings... I never took them serious here in California. All I really know of a tornado is from "twister" lol.  Sure I've seen some try and develop here but they just never have... it's never been something I've concerned myself with. 

How do you prepare or what are some safety tips for a tornado?

With, the recent hit of an earthquake in the east coast... I'm glad that I came back from the DC area on Sunday. But, I've grown up with earthquakes and to me they're not a big deal. (to me) I still see people freak out even though they've experienced them for part of their world but you just never know how they're going to hit... I somehow feel more weary going such a long time without an earthquake than feeling the ground rumble and shake here and there... It's a comfort of knowing it's happened.. (I don't know why, I guess it's something I don't fear.) yes, Earthquake do cause a lot of chaos... but now we've found out what natural disaster doesn't.... 

I remember when we were younger in school they would always have us prepared with a lot of water and foods that would last a long time in case something happened during the school year... it sure was a treat when we would get our goody bag at the end of the year... 

But, What would you recommend as a safety procedure during an earthquake or to have prepared for after?

One thing for sure is stay away from anywhere things can fall on top of you so a doorway would be safe, no trees, or electric lines, have a safety route to a safe place out of your home just in case. 

The worst one in my mind not that these other ones are any less would be a volcanic eruption. I guess my fear of burning alive just gets the best of me ... 

So, if I had to pick one... I think I would stick with the earthquakes that happen in California and the one that would that I would never want to experience is a volcano... 

If you had a choice of one, which one would it be and why?

And which one would you least want to experience and why? 

DC was fun except for some adult ladies wanting me to hold  their hands and baby them... I guess I love how me trying to teach and make people more independent of themselves like deleting their own pictured they take because they want to take more -stop filming on camera- (because I want to enjoy my time taking pictures and sight seeing) means that I'm selfish, and conceited and I don't like helping people. I guess it's a price to pay when I accommodated their flies to sync with mine and my mom's and we allowed them to use the room and I even bought some of their tickets, did the speaking, helped them checked-in and their luggage into the airport and paid for everything first just to get reimbursed. Yea, I kept tallies of money because mine was limited and that wasn't considered... so anyways... enough of the negative of the trip... I loved it but it's not why I'm writing...

Besides the trip being beautiful and relaxing and something I definitely needed... Things just happen in the real world.

Last weekend on Sunday, we went to a birthday party for a dear of mine who I met through I friend. Well, her mom a dear friend on my mom who had gone through  some  tough moments in life wasn't there. She was hospitalize. She suffered from anemia and her biggest worry was her husband and his drinking. After my mom had her accident, this friend had gone to Mexico where she also had an accident (my mom and her became closer in understanding) where she was hospitalized for quite a while, she was in coma and even broke her legs, She also had a liver transfusion, and lost family members in that crash. I believe it was caused by a drunk driver. Well Sunday was her older grandkid's birthday Carlitos turning 4 yrs old and she couldn't be there. I know she was missed, she always has this beautiful presence. She was to return home in a couple days her daughter told me. She wasn't feeling good and there was complications. I found out Friday morning that she passed away thursday night. 

There are no words to explain how I feel her family. She looked so young but you just never know when it's your time to go.But, many of my thoughts and prayers go out there to their family and the loss they have and pain they feel. 

Another note, My comadre (God son's mom) just had her baby today  and she named him andrew unfortunately he was born 12 weeks too early . He weighed 2.2 ounces but since the hospital he was born in isn't equipped for premature babies... He has been transferred to a hospital like 1 1/2 away.  it's not good. Mommy was doing okay at first and then she started losing a lot of blood. She's had a blood transfusion of like 3 of those bag (I don't know how much there is in there)... So she's in intensive care in the hospital and her baby is in another. Talk about not being able to really see or hold your baby. She was only 28 weeks pregnant but there are many complicated issues in her life that just caused too much stress. The doctors were going to do a C-section but they must have induced her and she had a natural birth. I'm very worried for her. The 2 kids will be a handful. My Godson just turned 8 months today,the same day his little brother was born. 2 kids under a year will be tough but I will help what I can with my godson especially now. The thing that makes me a little sad for her is that she doesn't have the support right now from her bf. things got complicated, there was a confusion and he was thrown in jail. He has a DUI and suspended license so he doesn't drive. A cop came to their house and took him saying that he did a hit and run... and the paper work filed stated he was caught drunk driving and was  taken into custody but that was a lie because he was picked up from home. She was stressing and got him a lawyer... SO they told him to deny the charges since they could fight them because it's a web of lies...but when he had his hearing because the lawyer was completely set against the will of all his family members he pled guilty complicating the case. And now, the bail would not be able to be waived. All that over her shoulders and 8 months after getting out of a bit complicated pregnancy, she has another bebe and premie. 

Sometimes things happen in life and we can't even prepare for them. So much unavoidable pain. We all make the best and try and lead happy lives.  

I do worry a lot of people. Not all people but those I care about a lot I do. There are some of you I consider friends and I care about your well being and how you are. Life is too short to not appreciate. I love some of you. You mean a lot and I hope you know that. 

horrible day today. I had to carry my son to school and to his class. But, he promised he wouldn't tomorrow. 

I got him to do all his week assignments yesterday and today... so My job is done. I signed all the paper work and he needs to turn it  in. All that needs to be done is reading... 

Trip is tomorrow yay... even though every time I've left him crying in school... I can't help but cry on my own for a few hours, I think we're doing progress.. He's started to realize he needs to go. And once he stops crying I will feel less guilty... My gullibleness leads me to feel guilty for no reasons... I know he needs to be there and it's good but when I see him crying and kicking and screaming he doesn't want to be there, it makes me doubt. But, he'll be fine, we all went through it. I remember Kindergarten but I never  cried. I remember seeing kids cry though and I never understood. 

I promised me he was going to be good though and wasn't going to cry... I brought him a lil bribe... I hope it works or somebody better start praying for my dad and brother because they're going to need something... :/ jk I'm sure they can handle it. He's just attached to me since I'm mommy and well it's just us too... we're all we got... even though it's not true... but family wise we're just 2...  

Thanks for reading my venting while I cope with changes as I gear towards my trip which BTW I'm leaving tomorrow. 

I don't know what to expect. I'm excited yet worried... I'm me being a mommy... And I'm worried about someone else too but I'm sure he's in great hands. I hope we get in talk soon. 

So yeah, I'm done... hopefully after this trip my brain gets a little new life and I can come and write something worthy rather than my boring venting... but even if I come back to venting... what's it to ya? 

I can't believe how fast this trip has come around. I can't believe my son is school, in fact, either. Well, I know tomorrow will  be a hectic day for sure. I need to start packing today. I need to lay out my son's clothes for school time wednesday, thursday and friday and probably have sets of clothes ready for when he comes home too. I'm getting him use to taking off his clothes so he cools down. I need to make sure his homework is done for wednesday, the color orange, I need him to start writing his name as homework,everyday. I need to leave special instructions for my dad and bro how to pick him up and drop him off...He has some trouble staying sometimes which makes it painful. Picking him up is the easiest. He has his first early day the day we leave so I'm sure it will be a great time for my bro to start teaching the nursery rhymes he needs to have done by friday. I know I'm going to try and cram in as much as I can today and tomorrow but it's a lot. I'm probably overwhelmed with the routinely homework assignment he has already and it's barely the 3rd full day of kindergarten but at the same time I'm quite glad because it means they're staying busy and they're learning. He still does not tell me what they do in class which is not very like. He's use to tell me a lot of what happens. To this day I don't know any kids names but he's  responsible enough to give me stuff the teacher send home with me. When I ask him about his day he just says that he can't talk in class because it's the teacher's turn. So, today I told him that he can raise his hand and if she points he can talk, but he said not that he needs to listen to what she needs to say. She must be a heck of a teacher, I think I need to bring her home so that he will have the want and need to do his homework. 

I know he's 5 but I want him to learn to do everything right away. I mean I do give him a break when he comes home. After all he's in school a full day and most kindergartners I knew never had a full day as far as I knew but at the same time I guess I don't have to worry about transitioning to a longer time. I definitely don't want him to procrastinate or learn that bad habit. I know many of us do it and it's not a good habit to break. 

Ok, so we leave to Washington, DC on Wednesday morning 10:41am... but we're not getting there until  like 6:30ish... I guess the good thing is we get to see a lot of the country in day light. =D My mom is going to an even there on thursday, friday and saturday... So we don't have a hotel until thursday but we'll work it out since we'll be there wednesday evening.  There's a total 5-6 ladies. So the hotel we'll be staying at wont be too out of reach. I know I'm going to be doing some exploring which I did when I went to Denver. I just walk around and get to know places. I like being on my own a lot but I don't know what this trip will entail. I'm really looking for some me time, free time, and relaxation time. Which means... I will more than likely not hang out with the crowd. I met quite a few people last year in Denver... Italian, Colombia, Turkish person... yea there were some language barriers but we tried to all communicate. People are nice. It's an international event so I have no doubt it will be fun. Well sales tax sure is cheaper there than California. 

Maybe I'll take some pictures if I can... or maybe they will be locked in my memory.

This will be the last trip I will be taking in a while since my son started school, I need to prioritize his needs to his school work. And besides since my mom is ok now, I can start working. It's going to be a hard juggle trying to help my son with all his needs and working but many mom's do it. But, I don't for anything in the world want his studies to be neglected. Hard times, but accomplishing times lie ahead of us for sure. Maybe my next trip will be to Minnesota when my cousin gets married in one or 2 years of course if I can save the money.  I think life even though it has it downer moments... (and literally cried last thursday and friday... because I was worried for my son) but it can only look up from here. There's so much up to look forward to.

New life changes, routines, beautiful cramming stress... big *sigh* of relief... Everything small is falling in place... I hope that helps me fall into place also and not be so obsessive over nothing. I guess, I just like things to run my way but if they don't I freak out. I need to have order in my own way. If it's not done by me sometimes I feel it can't be done right...and so far it's been true even though sometimes I need people to learn to do it themselves so that they don't rely on me so much. My gift and my burden to others. I make a great PA but too bad I don't have the experience... all in due time I mean there would be stuff I would have to learn... 

OK, too much of scattered thoughts... 

So I kind of work... and well last year I didn't get paid because I didn't have money to finish what I had to do which were expenses the program I work for said they were going to cover... Which obviously they didn't so I didn't and well it's my fault... but where do you get money when there is none and you're supposedly working towards getting paid, right... 

So I paid for fingerprints last year which I was suppose to get reimbursed... I got them done in October of 2010... and I still haven't seen the money...there's a second part to it I just hope I don't have to repeat the finger prints because I'm already angry I didn't get paid last year... 

I got this check on Wednesday... After 10 months plus waiting ...which  is suppose to cover I guess my "volunteer work for both summers" don't get your hopes up it's also a reimbursement and suppose to pay for the other step...for the amazing amount of 300...This is when you kind of give up on the passion you once had in teaching... I can't even cash it because for some reason....  They put Rose on the check... I far as I've know the teacher, he's known me for 12 yrs. he didn't write it but there is no Rose in the organization... Now, I don't go back for a week or 2 and they still haven't complied with my demand for my minimum requirement of students... 

Am I being picky? No... 

I live and hour away and with gas prices... It's not worth. I live in the high desert. I've looked for jobs here... and negative... I love what I do, I hate the pay... If I could do that all day i would. But, I'm really losing hope there. I guess it's my fault. Who in the world majors in their passion and then a year after you find out there is no work. 

I guess I should have thought this through because I went to college. *sigh* You never think that a dream just leads you to a debt hole... you think a dream leads you to marvelous things... Well I'm calling it, BS.... 

My dream backfired... and I have to look for another interest... so I can keep mu love of music and teaching as a hobby and not a job. 

Here goes to finding something and probably hating it with a passion....