March 1, 2013
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You feel like a failure as a mother, person when you can't quite get your son up to reading level and the teacher is considering holding him back.
I need advice. I read with him. Its harder for him to read but I help him. What else can I do. I sit with him everyday to do his homework. Its sometimes a min. of an hour daily ... he's in first grade. I know nothing can go wrong if he is held back my brothers were when they were in first grade but there was a language barrier. They went from a bilingual class to all English ... but my son knows English. Schools were different then as well. I never remember my parents helping or being able to help me. And its so different now. I have to find ways to explain the homework so it makes sense.
*sigh* I'm just frustrated... I know this will end up how it should but it just makes me feel like crying. I know ... what a baby! What when you feel a bit overwhelmed ....
Comments (17)
I'm homeschooling and the curriculum I use is really fun and easy for my kids to grasp. It is the same one that my mother used to teach me to read. It's called Sing, Spell, Read, and Write: Kindergarten Level 1. If you're willing to drop the money on it and work with him on it, I'd highly recommend using this kit. The lesson plans are easy for you to go through and the kids really seem to enjoy it.
Other than that, I'm not sure what else to tell you. You can just keep trying to help him go over his homework. But every kid learns their own way. If the homework isn't conducive to his learning style, he probably will struggle a lot with it.
It would be better to hold him back at this level than to let him slip through and become frustrated later. If that is what you decide. You can then work with him more. We all learn at different levels and speed. There is nothing "wrong" with him, but if he is let to slip past, he could then be labeled that and at an older age that could have worse effects on him.
You are not failing as a parent.
you definitely aren't failing if you are taking the time to work with him.
have you thought of having his eyes checked?
i know it can get pretty frustrating. my daughter is having with algebra right now. i've been pretty desperate but i've signed her up for tutoring. i hope it helps.
it's like you know they're capable but there's something else there, some kind of block.
talk to someone else to assess the situation. and maybe the teacher is right but there has to be other ways before you did that
i am not giving up. she used to like math but hates it now. hopefully change in her attitude will bring about more positive changes and results
good luck
He likes competing... Make him compete with himself .. Everyday have a chart keep track of how he does each day and give like a star or something every time he beats his best score ? Does he have those decodable books? Don't feel like that.... Just have to find his angle. Ray needs practice with his writing ... So I sit him down ad have him write Radom sentences the neater he writes the faster he can stop but if he gets lazy or sloppy he sits there for a long time ... Idk... He whines to me that he's bored and that may be what Danny it too... He might find it boring ...
In order for a child to learn well, parents and teachers both have to be involved. Not throwing the teacher under the bus, but that may be an issue. It's a major issue with my youngest, and we may be pulling him out and seeing about transferring him to a different school.
If you suspect a learning disability, schools by law, must help you get it diagnosed. It may be something as simple as dislexia. It can be crippling if one doesn't get the tools needed to address it. But with those tools, a child can succeed just as well as any other.
But don't beat yourself up. I know how it feels having a child fall behind. But if you're looking to address it, you're far from a failure as a parent.
I taught for many years. If your son is really having difficulty let them keep him back. Someone else said what I believe - it will be less traumatic and less embarrassing if you do that now rather than in, say, 5th grade. And, he can enjoy next year because he will not be behind and will not find the homework taking hours. You will make the right decision for your child - you are a concerned parent.
You're obviously putting a lot of effort to helping him, so for that you can't consider yourself a failure. Some people learn things differently from others, so perhaps try an alternative approach that may make sense better for him.
I think my opinion may be different from others but here goes: As a past teacher (public and private sectors as well as home schooling my own boys until 9th or 10th grade) I say first grade is not a good time to hold a child back. 1) some children are just a tad slower at learning than others and if he's doing okay in other subjects then let him move on. 2) he may be an auditory learner--meaning he needs to hear things aloud verses silent reading. 3) Find out if his teacher knows what type of learner your son is (visual, audiotory, kinesthetic/tactile, etc. 4) if so, then she needs to work with him in that style, if not then you need to find out so you can best help him.
I know it's difficult to not feel like a failure, but you are not. Learning styles are important and it could be that simple--to help your son in his learning style. Hang in there and don't give in to him being held back just yet. hugs.
Here are a couple of links; but you can google 'different learning styles for children' adn see if any will help you identify your son's style.
http://www.education.com/reference/article/childrens-learning-styles/
http://www.schoolfamily.com/school-family-articles/article/826-what-is-your-childs-learning-style
Ok...breathe.
Reading is not a cake walk for every child.
When Desi went from picture books to chapter books, she had issues with it. We finally noticed that the whole page of words overwhelmed her. So I got an index card, and encouraged her to read by sliding it down as she went. It made the words easier to handle...and in no time she was reading with no trouble at all.
You could give it a try...or talk to someone about it, other than his teacher. If he's having issues, she isn't paying attention. BTW...STOP beating yourself. It's hard enough to be a mom without guilt and judgement...particularly your own. (I know...easy to say.)
Good luck..and hang in there.
@firetyger - Thank you for your input. It's hard and my son and I talked we're going to work on different methods and read more. I will have a meeting with the teacher and we will try and work together to find methods that will help him. If he's not ready by the end of the year I suppose we will work accordingly. It's stressful and as much as I would like to home school him, what I really need is a job to be able to provide. It's tough all round. Things will somehow work out.
Thanks for the input and suggestions. =D
@buddy71 - You're absolutely right. If he isn't ready as much as if feels hard, I will allow him to stay behind. I don't want him to be affected later on and prefer for him to benefit in every way possible now.
Thanks for the support, I will try and do what's best for him.
I suppose we feel a bit blinded when it's on our side of the situation..
@godfatherofgreenbay - Yea, he's a bit hard headed but I know he cant do it. Maybe sometimes I feel he's such tired.
You know I hadn't thought about him eyes but he would definitely would speak out if he was having a hard time seeing. Something I will have to look into. Thanks hun for the input.
@bonmots - The teacher is being cooperative. Unfortunately there is no tutoring in his school and I don't have income to be able to afford. I'm going to try and work with his teacher and see if we can make some improvements together. I'm crossing my fingers in hope.. Thanks for you input!
Is there summer school that he could attend to maybe help him if you decide not to hold him back.
@stephensmustang has some good points too. You and his teacher have some time to help and make a better assessment .
@Snoog420 - Sometimes I feel like he's just tired after school and he needs to relax but sadly there isn't enough time for him to feel relaxed. It's interesting because he doesn't get satisfied with a small accomplishment. He likes big. I don't know how to change his mentality. He's a tough cookie sometimes especially when he feels something is difficult although once he finally listens and stops complaining, he realizes it's not as bad.
What are decodable books?
I guess with more time it might get better.
Thanks, hope something works for him.
@grim_truth - yea, we both have to work together. And I think that we will get see what we can do and hopefully something that will help him. We talked about computer programs that they use in school and hopefully it will help him out. I understand school is hard and since he hard a bit of trouble reading and writing. I'm hoping that once that gets easier he will feel homework will be easier. I don't know but it's my hope.
I don't feel there is a learning disability. I mean he has trouble with his 'b's and 'd's but the teacher still feels it's a little early for it to be considered dyslexia. I'm trying to work on that, we'll see.
thank you for the input and support!
@cjc2 - thank you! And you're right it is better to leave him behind now than later. thank you so much for you input.
@buddy71 - I don't know if his elementary has summer school but we have one more trimester to see if he will be ready to progress to the next level. I have hopes but I will do what is best for him.
And I will definitely take into consideration what they posted. thanks!
@Roadlesstaken - yes, you're right Alex. Thanks I will see what will help him hopefully we can figure it out. thanks for you input.
@stephensmustang - He's just having a difficult time with language arts. But, Language arts is a big subject. I have a meeting with her next week. I will see what we can come up with. thank you so much for everything you have provided. thank you, I really appreciate it. You make me feel better.
@galadrial - thank you!! You're right, reading isn't easy. I will definitely cover up the rest of the words. I'm sure that will be less overwhelming. I think she is trying or she wouldn't have contacted me. I will meet with her and we'll figure the situation. I'm hoping for the best. It took a bit to take a breath that's why I didn't respond right away.
thank you for your comment and support! the input means a lot!!