January 10, 2013
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OH God 28 crept up
My Birthday was monday ... yay, right?!! RIGHT?! Well it didn't feel like yay... I felt like i was 13 all over again and it felt like the worst day of my life. I felt like I was the loneliest person alive. Unlike when I was 13 there was no people so crying was not noticed. I ended up falling asleep with a headache after helping my son finish his homework. It was fine and dandy but sometimes we just feel different on different days. Don't ask me how I feel right at this moment because if I felt better you bet you niceness I would be writing a happy post which I have some to write, I just don't have motivation to write..
That song "Lonely Day" by System of a Down felt more happy than how I was feeling.
I guess it made it ok to be in my room alone and just let it out. It's suppose to make me feel better. And I suppose all those nice "Happy Birthdays" I was getting on facebook were nice yet I was in my room still. I remembering being surround by friends in college and having people to hang out and people would be there for you but then I remembered oh yea, I'm a loner why would anyone really remember me. Then again a loser at 28. I feel like such a failure. I'm suppose to have everything together and nothing is put together. I don't know where I'm going, I don't have any dreams anymore. I can't change anything. I can't go back to school and doing anything right about now sounds better than not doing anything. I just want/ need that part of my life to fall in place so I can be more supportive and upset in a different way. But, I'd be mad but I at least would have my spending my money. I wouldn't be stuck in my room all day trying to fill out apps and never get calls. I don't think my resume is that bad. But, obviously no one wants me. and it makes me sad.
Ok, I feel better for today. But, it still sucks to be 28... I hope I can dream again and get my life into feeling positive. It's definiely the type of feelings I want to show my son. I want him to feel hopeful about the future and going to school but after my experience I feel I can't give him that... I will try to. But, besides my negativity I hope 2013 is a good year. I pray.
Comments (9)
I hope you and your son have a great year! Sounds like you are due. I believe you'll find your dream again. I lost mine for a while but finally found it.
Aw, I'm wishing good and happy thoughts for you. I think 28 is a great year! I'm older than you are and I still get those feelings of not having my shit together. Believe me, you are not alone in this. Try not to worry, hun. I'm certain all the pieces will fall into place eventually.*hugs*
happy birthday!!
Cheer up before your negativity is rewarded
Happy Birthday
@C_L_O_G - Sorry it's so late. Since I had been so gloomy I didn't want to come back until I felt better. I don't know why I was so negative when my birthday came around but when the new year started my heart was set on that this will be a great year. Thank you for the good wishes and I'm sure I will have a great year and the dreams will all make sense. I figured that even though I sometimes feel lost, I'm in a path that will lead me to a good place no matter what as long as I keep moving forward. Thank you!! =D
@heart_leigh - In a way it's comforting to know that there are people out there that feel the same way I do but it also makes me feel bad there are people who know what this has felt like. 'm sure 28 will be a great year I just needed to stop focusing on the negative and start thinking about the positive. I'm so sorry it took me so long to respond but I didn't want to feel negative when I came back. I'm sure life is about getting through those hard moments and not just focusing on the positive. We ourselves need to take charge and that's what I needed to realize.
@buddy71 - Thank you so much!! Sorry for the late response.
@jdortiz - Thank you very much!! Sorry for the late response. Needed to get the negativity out of me before coming back.
@pinktiger335 - As long as you're okay then I'm okay. Welcome back!
@pinktiger335 - Keep moving forward. That is the ticket!
@heart_leigh - Thank you hun! I truly I appreciate it! *hug* =D
@C_L_O_G - Exactly! =D And that's what we all got to do!