November 29, 2012
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Don't get me wrong... I appreciate... but
Time is flying and the time is nearly ending since we all know the world is going to end in 23 days. Well haha yea I'm sure.
I'm not like those emotional girls... who... wait... yea I am or try not to be. Many things make me cry. Sometimes I hide it and sometimes I don't. It all depends on my self-restraint or how hard I can hold it. But, my throat sometimes hurts a lot when I do but I can't quite let it out. Sorry I'm not quite writing on crying.
I'm 27 right now. 27 years old. I don't know what it is about the number but it keep striking at me. In about a month or so a the following monday after the New Year has started I will be of a new age. I know birthdays come and go and they're no big deal. Well they shouldn't be a big deal in a sense. Age is nothing but a number and it's truly meaningless but the time you'll been on this planet. Most people haven't even experience happiness or self fulfillment or enlightenment most of their poor lives. Or they lives with many limits. Most people are walking dead zombies. Sad ... As I approach this new year for me. I can't help but to feel depressed. I am now in my late 20s and all I could see is 30... I don't know where the years have gone. But, I feel robbed of the last 10 years of my life.
Everytime I think of my 28 birthday. I can't help but to cry. I feel horrible. I know my life hasn't been robbed. It's been these last 10 years who have made me who I am. But, I feel like a failure. I feel like I have accomplished nothing.
Sometimes I feel like my life has been a prison. So many years wanting to get out that the moment I do I wouldn't know what to do that I've want back in to the only thing I've known.
The worst part is that I don't know where I am going. I don't know what I want to do with life. 10 years ago I was so sure of myself. I knew what I wanted and what I needed to do. Now, I have nothing. Sometimes I feel horrible I'm locked up most of the time in my room most of the day. My mom wont yell at me to do anything anymore. I've mostly done it all so there's nothing to do. I feel blah.
I want a job. I want... after such a long time. I'm sure there is more I can do. But, where I live is where I would want. And I haven't found anything. Sometimes because I feel I can't get anything it makes me hate me because I can't. How can I, if I have a degree, I have some experience and nobody or anywhere I've applied gives me a job or even a chance...
Maybe this is my winter depression time or I don't know. Sometimes I just feel like I need more alone time but that's how I'm mostly alone. I think I need more people around me but I don't think I can take it always.
I do feel somewhat better until I start thinking at a later time.
I'm just cold.
Don't get me wrong. I know there is so much to be thankful for. I should be happy and not to be an ingrate. Everyday is a gift. But, how do you stop feeling like this? How do you get more interests? How do you make yourself be happy? How do you not affect everyone around you until you can figure your shit out? Why does sometimes money make the world go 'round yet most of the world survives without it, and struggle with it and with none. Why is life unfair to most? why
why?
why?
God, gave us freewill. If we're all equal why isn't the system equal? Why is there still class system And why are wages for the hard workers less than those who hardly work and only play?
I guess it's the way it's suppose to be. I suppose we're suppose to learn humility and all that none sense.
Anyways.... That's enough of my ramblings for one night. I do feel much better though. Thank you if you read me... if not then it never really mattered anyways....
Comments (9)
Oh my love! You are 5 days younger than me. I have no children. I have no love life. I have a job, and that is it. That's all I've got. A job. I haven't done much with myself. I live in an apartment alone. I don't get along with my family. I don't have many friends, let alone close friends. All of my family members are asking me when I'm going to have a baby, and I'm dreaming of my head being covered in gray hair.
You are not old. You are not getting old. I wont accept it and neither can you. Today, right now, you are as young as you will ever be. If there is something that you want to do that you haven't done, GET OUT THERE AND DO IT! I believe in you, and I'm not the only one.
I love you.
You're several decades younger than me. When I was 27 I had no children and no job. I worked odd jobs to pick up a little money here and there. I lived in a school bus. When I was 37 I had two children and a career as a college professor. Now I'm 60 and getting ready to retire. rofl Life is an amazing adventure filled with changes. Moving forward and into the unknown is a little scary for me but I'm going anyway. Things pass and the future comes. I can cling to what I had or I can embrace what is now.
On a different topic, I thought the zombie apocalypse was a dumb concept until I realized it had already occurred. You're right, most people are waling around dead zombies.
If this comment makes no sense just delete it. It is too early in the morning for me to be trying to make any sense.
im 28 ray, and you are awesome hang in there
Good Morning Rey, I've come to share a couple things with you. to start, There was a song by a group called the Byrds. "Turn,Turn,Turn" its words were taken from scripture.The first link is them around 1966.
http://youtu.be/iUT4QpHcWGI
the second is much more recent
http://youtu.be/nA2IYnGRYac....
If you look you can clearly see their age change, and yet they sound great and almost the same ..... regardless of the years between. John Lennon said "life is what happens while we're busy making other plans."
One thing is for sure, nothing stays the same. If it does, it dies. Move with the flow, and make the best of what you can. Find the happiness there is in every moment. Your little guy, will be a big guy and gone before you know it. No nothing is fair, and there is seldom enough money. Learn to be happy with what little you may have. I promise if you do, your whole life will be happier. Turn the computer off, step outside, go for a walk, take a deep breath, relax, and look at the beauty that is all around. You are going to do wonderfully. You are smart, and beautiful....... what a great start !
I understand the frustration that you are going through. When you are going to hit 30, you go through that phase, that life is passing and you are worthless. Also, you may be going through some depression because of the cold weather.
You have got very good advise from Sasgal and CLOG. They are very inspiring.
I always thought my problems in those years were my midlife crisis
I understand. I'm 27 and I don't know what I want to do with my life. Ten years ago I thought I knew what I wanted to do and I had a plan. Things didn't go right and here I sit ten years later not wanting to be where I'm at. I feel robbed of the last five years of my life after graduating college, and all I or any of us can do is try to change the tide of our lives. Sadly, it's easier said than done.
@SasGal - Thanks hon. I don't know if to feel good or bad. I know life is a challenge. I guess I'd feel sad if I didn't have my family to be there.
It makes sad that this is the youngest I'm ever going to feel again. But, it's I know it's life. oh well I guess I just need to get use to it. There are a few things I would like to do but I really can't. I need to work first and do other things and pay stuff before I'll be allowed to do what I want to do. Thank you so much for all your support. It really felt nice. thanks *hug*
@C_L_O_G - You're right. Maybe in a few years things will pick up and I don't feel in this slump. Life will be figured out and maybe by then I'll have a master and maybe working well. I hope. Thank you for giving me your experience and making me realize that times change.
@Jeremy_Sheer - thanks
@Blue_Moon1 - Thank you so much. Everything you said just made perfect sense. Thank you!!
@angys_coco - Yea it seems like you know what I'm feeling. I hope it goes away. And maybe the weather has been a little gloomy. Thank you for stopping by. And they are very inspiring. Will definitely try my best to take all the advice I can get.
@godfatherofgreenbay - It's funny because it feels like so... lol and if I had money I would go on some shopping therapy lol oh well some day. haha
@Rob_of_the_Sky - Exactly, You know how I feel!! yes, I graduated 5 years ago and with the economy hitting rock bottom... there went all my credit and the debt accumulated. But, I hope it does get better, sooner than later. Thanks, I at least know I'm not the only one going through this.
@pinktiger335 - You're welcome. Keep on truckin'.