With all this about people being fake or not knowing who is who, made me really think about people who pretend. I don't know about people and I don't really question them especially on a blog. What they right is their prerogative and if they want to be unknown that is fine but what happens when people get close? I know people and they can embellish or lie or not even write about what is going on for real,it's all about the story and a reaction. Everybody is different and expresses themselves differently. 

I guess you all get the benefit of the doubt whether you are who you claim to be or not, I'm not one to say. We all live so far away. And I don' expect you to actually believe everything I write here but I am a pretty honest person and what I write is how I feel or see the subject at a time.  There is only one person who really knows me IRL @snoog420 and if you know our story and how it happened, you've know why ... very interesting!!  

There are a few people I have trusted with my number like 4 people other than snoog420 have my number. But, I've also have had the opportunity to chat and talk to many of you. I don't usually tell people to find me or add me to fb since I consider it very personal and if you're there then I've trust you to an extent. So lucky who have my # and who I've added to Fb? 

So, My name is Reyna E. F. 

I am the eldest of 4. I am a single mother with a BA in Music. I play clarinet. I teach clarinet lessons. My son is 5 I had him in between semesters my junior year of college. graduated in 4  years. I went to the University of Redlands. I've been in love possibly 2 times in my life. I'm easy to talk to, texting and chatting, it's a bit harder to talk to or see face to face at times. I struggled with being embarrassingly shy my whole life. Snapping out of it slowly but my persona  when I chat and when you meet me at first can be a bit of a shock. Its not that I'm pretending because how I write and how I am is actually how I've always felt to be... but I'm far too introverted to actually be able to articulate. You can't tell that introversion by the way I speak then again I feel I have less to hide you're all strangers.  

I was talking to @cucumber_melonhead and I was telling him about the discrepancies in my personally, lol. The best way to describe the personally for some of you is pretty much like if I had a couple of margaritas... relaxed and comfortable. I haven't drank in ages but I really only socialize with a few friends. And they think I always make them argue, it's my peaceful ways. I'm rather passive. I'm not a fighter but can disagree.Oh and I will argue. I'm nice but I wont stand it if I don't like it. I don't know how I bring the bad out of people  but oh well   

I've actually spoken to Krisko well we've skyped in the  he knows how hard it is for me. It's hard to describe but I know it. 

There's quite a few people who know me a bit the hot head and the nice sweet like Ray or Lynn, Krisko, Josh, Johnson, Ritzy, and so many other really nice people who have impacted me. ... I didn't mention everybody or close to and I'm sorry. I know who you are and your names escape me sometimes, bad short term memory . But, those who I have spoken to know a little of me

All I have to say is I'm as real as I can be. Nothing I've ever written here has been a lie or at least it's been how I've felt. Feel free to talk to me if you want. I sometimes don't mind. 

All my pictures are really me and my son's and they match what I've had in all my accounts (online) only have one xanga. 

Ok, enough of me... 

oh and one thing. For some reason that I don't quite get: people or guys sometimes call me sexy and sometimes it makes me insecure and I don't know why... Well there you have it

 

Well I was finally tagged in the 7 things List that everybody is doing...  Thanks Bede lol 

Well I just wrote about my self a little but I think I can do 7 random things ... 

 

1. My siblings think I'm very random. I always say the weirdest things are the worst times. 

 

2. I'll start laughing at something and if I get the stink eye, my laughter gets stronger and turns into tears of hurt. 

 

3. It's hard for me to get emotionally attached after so much deception but I try and it still never works. 

 

4. When I was little (don't ask me where I got this idea) I use to want to be a sniper for the military. 

 

5. If I didn't teach the little I know about music, I would feel my life would be nothing. 

 

6. When I was younger I use to romanticize suicide, I really wanted to die. 

 

7. When I had my son. I appreciate women so much more. Oh the pain and I had a great pain threshold until I had him. Ouch! If a man ever gets me to have a child ever again, it means I truly love him. Even if you can get me to accept, you must mean a lot. 

Yes, I know the thrill of having more control of your car and being able to go faster and be able to slow down faster having a manual car... the speed, adrenaline, keeping your legs and hands busy... well until you get to your last gear then all you have from there is down shifting... 

I own an automatic but when I get the car I want in life as I get a hold of money, I will want a manual too ... Well, if everything goes according to plan but if not I'll be happy with life as it is.

Yes, guys like to have some sort of control and sometimes you lose it. Now, I picture some younger guys trying to take control specially when they get their first car...  but is that a reason why they might want to own a manual car? what do you think? 

It's a useful skill to have no doubt. 

I have my 19 yr old brother. He wants a car and found one he likes, 5 speed, Honda Civic SI. This will be his first car. Not to say I'm jealous but I am. I got my car with help because I've been here for the last 4 years and then some (if you know the story great if not read back) so my bro has always been one to ask and ask.... he's always been a little selfish. More the I want something now whether it's in the reach or not.  He has a gf and lil boy which he had his senior in HS. He was still being bottle fed when he had baby. He's never known real independence and it makes me sad he's still asking and asking knowing it can't be done but that my parents will try and help. Here's an extra catch. He wants this cars really bad but guess what?He doesn't drive stick?!!! He wants it bad... I was telling him to wait. He stubborn, we all are. And he's the most selfish, so why?

He's going to be leaving for boot camp in March. I guess the condition from my mom will be that if they can manage to get the car he will have to leave it behind when he leaves with us. Which can mean I will have an extra car, jk... but can you imagine how expensive insurance will be for him. His first car, he just got his license a couple months back. No experience.  I think he should downgrade from what he wants (the car is salvage anyways) and he will eventually get the money for a car he wants but he can't be about just give me, give me ... 

We've had real struggles in life and what did all my siblings do? Disperse and try to pretend everything was ok. Ignoring a situation never make it go away, but it's sure easy to feed on the sacrifice that we have made. I guess it makes me mad. (sorry, it's been a hard road) See I look for reason and buying something that will be an asset. Now, he's just doing it for the joy and its more expensive than the car I got. My mom had said she would help with $1000 for each of them if she could and he's pushing it 5-6 times that... saying he will payback.I doubt it... :/ See, I've gained the trust from my parents to sometime manage the little money they have, it's stressful so when my siblings are coming to me for approval when I'm trying to save money and makes sure we can be ok on bills, of course I'm not going to approve or give them thee look. And then they go to mommy and say well she doesn't care... Yes, I don't because he only thinks of himself. 

why want something you can't drive just yet, anyways? I can't say I know how to drive it either, it's been years since I driven a manual car.... like 7 yrs. I wont trust my self.

We're going to see the car today in Los Angeles... My mom and I already have a packed day with errands. And drive 2 hours close to LAX. he's inconsiderate. I'm sorry, but I'm upset... 

Since he doesn't drive stick, I was trying to see if a friend of mine would check it out. He works in Fontana usually during the day. You know how uncomfortable it's to ask a friend if he can drive to help out and  last minute bc lil bro set up appointment without thinking. I doubt my friend will be able to go but we'll see... 

 

 

Anyways, What do you prefer a Manual car or Automatic and why? I really want to know!!!

If you  just found out it was your last day and sadly you only had a few hours ...  

 

You have an opportunity to do one thing or tell one or 2 people 3 things ... 

What would you do or who would you tell and what would you tell them? 

So yes I was finally able to get some type of transportation. It's been tough not having enough for gas and where I work well the little I do I don't get paid for sectionals but do for the lessons I teach. I guess I just feel as I'm leaving a footprint and gaining experience is more important except I couldn't quite make it all the time. luckily I was being able to go with my dad but since I was I would have to be on a campus all day and wait until after school, it was time being wasted. My mom had been saving some money so she let me borrow it to get my self a car. It's going to take me a long time to pay it back but in the bright side we have a more affordable car. I did well in maintaining interest yet not seeming needy from whom I bought it from.   I drive approximately 56 miles one way (times it by 2 both ways) and sometimes I go twice a week... imagine if I had a full time.  

See when I was going with my dad I would have to wait around all day. Sometimes I would get time to chit  chat with the director because I've known him for  12 years but you don't have time. If any time it was a minute at a time. He was one of my encouragements to go into music when he was my teacher.He pushed many of us into the school we went to. He wanted to see more diversity in that campus ans sure enough we added. 

So when I am able to drive I do errands, deliver orders to my mom's clients and run my personal errands which sometimes need to get done but I don't disclose what I have to do. I just do everybody else's and do what I can about the time with mine. 

Now, wednesday was the first time I was able to drive in a while. I felt such an urge to leave I forgot my purse and my wallet at home. Lol!!! I was extra cautious. 

So this is it. It's a 2002 White Honda Civic. It will get me from point A to point B-I back to point A again. The best part is not having to depend on a ride or to take care of business, I can just do it when it needs to. The best part is I no longer have to ask to use a car to leave.

I have my other car but it's still being used and it's in a bad condition. And even though I bought that one, I bought it with out help I feel I can't use it. Even if I asked to use my car I wasn't always allowed or I was frowned upon...

Well, it's easier (a little now) to focus and getting what I have to do now and not being as stranded.  

 

 

Currently Requiem for a Dream: Remixed By Various Artists see related

I believe the phrase:"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" is wrong!

It just teaches you a higher "threshold"/ limits ...or even what you never want to experience ever again...

 

 

This come with various forms of pain: mental, physical, emotional...

 

 

Well you tell me what you never want to experience again...

 

or if you've had an experience that has made you stronger because of it??

 

I'll tell you something that still pains me today -birth pains of when I had my son almost 6 yrs ago... my back is not stronger, it's weaker... 

Something I would dislike to ever experience ever again is heart ache... probably the only thing that has certainty... I know it. 

loneliness

distance

etc... you get my personal idea... SO TELL ME ... What hasn't killed you and made you stronger?!?! 

I was watching Criminal Minds - I love this show, their thought process... anyways... So I heard a reference to The 48 Laws of Power and Decided to look into it... I know it can't be too accurately but I sure would love to read that book, soon. But I did find what I read s far interesting. 

I started wondering how many of these do people possess or how many do you realize you have?

Law 1 Never outshine the master.

Law 2 Never put too much trust in friends; learn how to use enemies. 

Law 3 Conceal your intentions.

Law 4 Always say less than necessary.

Law 5 So much depends on reputation. Guard it with your life.

Law 6 Court attention at all costs.

Law 7 Get others to do the work for you, but always take the credit.

Law 8 Make other people come to you; use bait if necessary.

Law 9 Win through your actions, never through argument.

Law 10 Infection: avoid the unhappy and unlucky.

Law 11 Learn to keep people dependent on you

Law 12 Use selective honesty and generosity to disarm your victim.

Law 13 When asking for help, appeal to people's self-interests, never to their mercy or gratitude.

Law 14 Pose as a friend, work as a spy.

Law 15 Crush your enemy totally.

Law 16 Use absence to increase respect and honor.

Law 17 Keep others in suspended terror: cultivate an air of unpredictability.

Law 18 Do not build fortresses to protect yourself. Isolation is dangerous.

Law 19 Know who you're dealing with; do not offend the wrong person.

Law 20 Do not commit to anyone.

Law 21 Play a sucker to catch a sucker: play dumber than your mark.

Law 22 Use the surrender tactic: transform weakness into power.

Law 23 Concentrate your forces.

Law 24 Play the perfect courtier.

Law 25 Re-create yourself.

Law 26 Keep your hands clean.

Law 27 Play on people's need to believe to create a cultlike following.

Law 28 Enter action with boldness.

Law 29 Plan all the way to the end.

Law 30 Make your accomplishments seem effortless.

Law 31 Control the options: get others to play with the cards you deal.

Law 32 Play to people's fantasies.

Law 33 Discover each man's thumbscrew.

Law 34 Be royal in your fashion: act like a king to be treated like one.

Law 35 Master the art of timing.

Law 36 Disdain things you cannot have: Ignoring them is the best revenge.

Law 37 Create compelling spectacles

Law 38 Think as you like but behave like others.

Law 39 Stir up waters to catch fish.

Law 40 Despise the free lunch.

Law 41 Avoid stepping into a great man's shoes.

Law 42 Strike the shepherd and the sheep will scatter.

Law 43 Work on the hearts and minds of others.

Law 44 Disarm and infuriate with the mirror effect.

Law 45 Preach the need for change, but never reform too much at once.

Law 46 Never appear perfect.

Law 47 Do not go past the mark you aimed for; in victory, learn when to stop.

Law 48 Assume formlessness.

 

I can definitely see how these have been used by many people in different situations or how people use them to protect themselves. 

 

So Many how of these do you possess??

 

See, I've been teaching sectionals once a week and lessons every other week so I don't have a car (I mean I do, but it's practically my dad's now) so I've been carpooling because the other car needs to stay home so that someone can pick up my son from school. So monday while we were on our way home I saw this white truck that had like one cowboy rounding up 2 cows... and I found it kind of cute... I don't know... 

Anyways, so I started asking my dad about how to say certain terms well they were all in spanish... He was born and raised in this little ranch in Mexico. They all had responsibilities.... I know my grandparents at least owned 20 cows and ...haha the stories of ... "When I was young.... " never get old... love 'em... My dad is closer to the middle child... there were 18 pregnancies or so, 3 died young under the age of 3 and 11 survived... 4 women and 7 men... 

big family... 

So he told me about when he was little he had to round up the cattle, he actually had a horse he use to call "Colorado" which is basically a reddish brown color... He would tell about about lassoing them and letting them graze. I asked if they castrated and he said back then they would the bulls because they used them plow because they needed to grow crops. 

I can only imagine all the work having to be done with harvesting. 

And I started thinking of all that work that looks under looked. I'm sure raising so many kids must have been harder but it sure made growing and maintain the crops made it so much easier at the same time. 

The chickens they had and having to go get the eggs every morning, and milking (which I still remember to being kind of fun, I did it for a few weeks every morning) and feeding them all... 

When my dad was young, he also use to go hunting. They use to hunt deer once upon a time but not anymore. Although sometimes he still craves the meat. 

Such a lifetime ago. 

It's been 18 years this past September since I've to Mexico. Although, I do remember brief moments... I was 8 then. It was kind of scary, no lights just latterns, nothing was modern which made the experience so much more exciting. 

If I ever go  again I know it wont be the same anymore since both my grandfathers have long since passed away, may they rest in peace and my grandmothers are both here. The depression would have killed them by now so family is always better... so the little places where they stayed have probably fallen since then... Some of the fam still out there live in town. It's sad, but change isn't always too but but it's sad. But, I do miss seeing it all. 

Never will be the same but visiting is nice. One day.... 

 

 

 

Who's going to drive you Home... 

 

Sometimes we just need a friend there. 

See, there tends to be a trend with me about my hair and it started it out with the first time that I was really upset and angry and continued on despite friends suggestions (male persuasion) not to. If first was a way to scream at the world and yell at it. At the time the only one most affected and upset besides a few close friends was my bf at the time. He was the cause of it well a big reason. I don't remember what stupid thing he did then but he was good at making me cry without reason (his personal way of saying, I care... jk. He apologized years later).  But I thought the world cared but the reality was that the only one punished was me. I was the one who had to live with it. See I have dark thick hair and some people loved it... so I figured they loved it... chop chop... 

I have been wanting to let my hair grown almost down to my waist but I see it isn't going to happen.

And now, I don't cut my hair seeking out to punish those who love my long dark(almost natural black) hair. Instead, there comes a point where something has either caused me a big change that makes me just want to add to the change and sometimes start over. It's not like it's something new, I do it because it helps me cope. And not only that it makes me learn why I don't like to do it after all... Lol... kind of contradictory. I want to and I don't but I do but I'm confused... and this is how I sound in my head. And I know some will say it's up to you... well, it kind of is but it's up to you too. 

Those are my hair last year summer of 2010

This is my hair right now... 

and if I do cut it would be about 9 & 1/2 inches...

from the bottom my hair is like 11 inches ... so the bottom would end up being 1 &1/2 inches would would still leave the rest of my hair at a semi short/long layer... right under my chin.

This was my hair like 3 years ago... 

 

 

 So what do you say... 

 

YES or NO ??    

 

... to cutting my hair.