There's always a lot to say and never enough time. It seems as though this upcoming school year will bring me more students more than ever before and I'm grateful but it's still not enough to cut it. I know it's hard when every job you've applied to in the High Desert isn't hiring and those who are, don't. Agencies suck, Job fair seemed promising and it wasn't. Well who knows... I guess some things just take time. It's about patience. But, who really has patience when sometimes even minimum seems glorious but then again I can try and spend more money I don't have and get more opportunities in different fields as well. 

I wanted to stay closer to home to avoid using all that gas. My car is already showing wearing from the driving I already do. There's not much up here. I suppose I can look down the mountain but the question remains: Where would I stay? Would I commute? How much would I end up in the month if I drove to and from an hour plus each way? So many questions...

@Cucumber_melonhead and I have briefly talked about it and setting goals but it hasn't been defined. I've been hooked up in the past with applications where there are openings (for the long commute) and unfortunately even those fall through. I am so much more optimistic than I was before but I suppose it's also the lack of inspiration. It's not there and I don't know how to get it like I once had illusions in high school. It seems as when you grow up you lose that spark and getting it back isn't the same. I guess what I've been waiting for is that spark but I also know that if I don't try I will never get it. I still feel helpless at times...or hopeless. I know there is so much that can be done but I don't know where to start. Everything will always cost money and the issue is getting something better. Maybe if I can adjust my teaching business and let that boom but our field is full of failure. Not failure at teaching and reaching out but because we're always put last when it comes to different subjects and/or sports. Music isn't encouraged much. I know first hand... sort of... My dad was supportive and encouraged it and my mother hated it and thought it was a waste of time... Can you imagine when I told my mom  I was going to major in Music... Yea, she threw a fit. I didn't hear the end of it... For the longest time she felt more pride in saying that I dropped out of my Psychology major when I had my son that saying that I got a music degree. Music for the most part never puts food on the table and that's why it's so hard to keep a passion that you know you'll continue that vicious cycle everyone sees. So much talent but people will always go for the route that gives you the money. It's the honest truth. I've stuck it through, with tears... I love it and hate it. I love teaching and love seeing students grown and I love what happens in the long run. I hate the almost no pay... and I really mean, it mainly pays for gas. Why do it then? I didn't major in music because it would give a huge payout but because I loved it. I didn't fight constantly with my mom because i was stubborn. Music is misunderstood. Music is love. Music is passion. Music is not for all. Music will starve you but will feed your soul. It won't feed your children though. 

As you can see it's my dilemma. Honestly, I don't think I ever want to give up giving a little back in the music field. I just enjoy it to much. Giving it up would probably kill me a little inside. It's what I have always loved. I've been made fun of, and  still am many times. What can I say I enjoy it a little more than some and it's easier to make some feel like it's a negative than a positive. God know why I got this small gift. I use it to share and give in return to multiply and show there is so much more out there in music. I know I don't touch many lives but those who have gotten a little something out it make me happy. I know I sometimes do tend to talk a bit much about music but I hold it in more now because sometimes I feel I don't have people to talk about it with. I can't even mention a song or much of the structure because it sound like gibberish to so many. 

Well here's to life and I guess what can you do but continue forward and just expect for the best. I've learned there is no reason to feel all down and depressed over nothingness... It's not going to change anything. "There's no reason to cry over spilled milk" It's a part of life how you learn to deal with it. I hope I can get a supplementary job... 

I hope it happens soon. 

Not much time for blogging these times since I'm limited...

 

I guess, it's hard to write about many things when there is just those happy moment that impact your life so much and make you happy. I just have the best boyfriend in the world and I really am the luckiest girl alive. I don't even see how any guy can compare to him unless you look into those cliche romantic comedies. *sigh* I know what we have isn't perfect for everyone but it's just perfect for us. 

 

And to think that if it wasn't for the internet or xanga we never would have met. We live far to far away and our paths don't cross otherwise. It was fate to meet him and she dealt a freakin check hand. I feel on the of the world in happiness. I'm happy I can tell him everything and he understands and there is no shame. We just have great communication. Sure, I have my moments but he's perfect with each other. He makes me feel like the prettiest girl and I guess as long as I am to him that's all that matter. I spend saturday and sunday with him sort of. Saturday he took me to a place to get an oil change on my car...very very good deal, $16... and then he performed which he wore a tux... very sexy. Then we had nothing to do so went back to his house and just had us time and relaxed and then ate. The next morning we went to a motivational speaker(sadly for him it was in spanish, but I took notes in english and left them for him to read, lol) with my parents... I liked it, felt bad for him though but we ate there. Then we went back to his house changed out of our business attire and watched "The Vow" together... awww... very sweet story. And then we went to eat Dinner with his dad, and brothers... they wanted me to try actual chinese food not the panda express kind or fast food kind... it was so good... and so fulfilling... yum!! I can eat that and be happy! Still need to get use to some of the tastes but it's delicious! 

I had to go pick up my son because he was with his siblings at @snoog420 Ani but unfortunately on my way there I got a flat... but the most wonderful man @cucumber_melonhead with to my rescue and made things better. He let me borrow Ester and his has Marshmallow .... I got home at 3ish I think or fell asleep 3sh but overall it was a great weekend. =D Next weekend should be very fun as well!! yay!! 

So this past weekend was Mother's Day... And I can honestly that my mom and I kind of celebrated it a little since Thursday May 10th... I don't know if any of you know but Mother's day in Mexico is Celebrated on the 10th and my mom born in Mx and well since I am Mexican also logically we celebrated. 

I gave her a glass of Moscatto (that my boyfriend bought for me when we went wine tasting in Temecula, Ca  ) and of course i drank one too... 

Friday we went to a prayer group which they spoke of children and how they affect as as parents and what they mean to us... of course how we should try and understand them because we were them at one point as well...

and my son gave me flowers as well... such a sweet little man... 

 

 

On saturday I wanted to make tacos but it didn't happen but I did have a date with the boyfriend that evening even though he hasn't told me where we were going to meet or if he was going to come up but it was ok.... hehehe Good thing I was half ready when he called me that evening even though I was shopping and Danny wasnt' ready and it was late already... 

 

So, I got home Danny was almost half ready my mom has woken him up and told him to get ready. We left at like 7 from AV and for to Edwards at 8ish... little did we know he was going to make us wait purposely...  My son was super impatient. He thought JC was inside waiting for us and I would call him and no answer. I called him a few time in 30 mins and a couple text and this was wasn't responding. Very unlike him. Now with Danny running around and "Mom... mom... mom" I was a time bomb ... I was a little upset.... It was a weird day and I had done so much cleaning I was a bit tired by then and wanted to relax and there was no where to sit and I didn't want to sit in the floor before getting the tickets. 

 

I was waiting and thought ok we'll see the 8:30 showing .... SOLD OUT!! 

 

ok, We'll see the 8:50 showing .... SOLD OUT!!  And that's when he finally called me and said he was in the wrong theater... And in my mind I was thinking like "WHAT!!"  his plan all along.... 

He gets there and stand in line 9:05 showing just SOLD OUT!!  We had to wait to the 9:40 of "The Avengers" It was a good movie. I enjoyed it. 

We go in and he  gives me candy ... 5 of them... 

He buys my son some food and we go in ... 

After that he came clean on why he was late... lol He asked to remember the first time we met ... Which was also in Ontario. And I did he gave me 5 sugar Daddys ... and he asked me to remember after ... After the night was over and we were going to go our separate ways he gave me jewelry he won was Lisa @LKJslain and her contests... 

He went to his car and came back ... 

he had 

So I asked him what it was ... he said I had to open it ... Facepalm ... DUH!!! 

So I did ... 

 

This cute little box... 

And I opened it... 

Isn't this beautiful!!! I'm almost scared to wear it that I might lose it. 

 

This my self, JC and my son ... we all loved the movie. 

 

Don't we look so adorable!!! <3 =D  @cucumber_melonhead and I 

 

So Sunday when I woke up my dad gave a rose 

and my fam and I went to mass and then home and I made tacos... they were delicious but tiring... 

As we were finishing up I asked my dad for a beer

 

And that just hit the spot. I had the best weekend ever and loved every second of it. There were tiring moments and everything but that's the way it should be. 

 

Wow, I truly can't believe I've been gone and out for more than two months. Well, I needed to because I was $80 for internet and it was a huge struggle with my small income. 

 

there were so many times I wished I was able to come on and write my little heart out like I always did but since I can't get much of xanga on my BB  it sucked and limited to phone internet sucks... 

 

So many things have happen and yet nothing has changed. I am still as happy as could be. JC and I have been together for 5 months and you know we still have something to talk about. First person that it seems like I never stop talking. 

Let it be known, I love talking when there is something that interests me. lol And I hope he doesn't gett bored of me talking. 

On the day of our 5 months but who is actually counting. Lol! We went to one of his friend's wedding. Very beautiful reception. 

I think we've progressively have gotten to know each other fairly well and even with my horrible memory we're or I'm very happy. I've met quite a few of his friends and he's met probably the majority of my family and will meet more  when we go to Minnesota in July.  

My son loves him a lot and respects him. He always looks forward to him coming over and we all get to enjoy time together. Whether it's going to the park, movies, chuck e cheese or just hanging out at home it's all a wonderful time. My family loves him a lot and I'll tell you a little secret. 

 

Shhh.... 

 

 

 

I think he's grown on me too.... I love this man!

Nothing sweeter than a kiss from him! 

 

I never get bored, he understands me, listens to me and talks a lot ... but he doesn't think so. He does say I talk too much and is surprised that I tell him  that I don't. lol Oh well... He says I'm a brat but he's a brat or maybe he's picked up on my ways... But, in all seriousness I've never been this truly happy in my life. All those moments that kept me down in life suddenly seem so pointless. I'm glad #xanga brought him into my life and we've gotten to know each other. 

This is how I always pictured I'd find someone for me. Of course, due to my circumstances I didn't picture it this way but nothing in life could be more perfect as it now. He's brought me and my son closer and we've learned to live and understand each other more. We were clashing far too much a while ago but everything is great. We've all formed a bond. *sigh* 

 

@cucumber_melonhead found me, crushed on me, and had me fall in love with him. What a cruel man... jk I hope every one is fortunate to find the person who truly compliments their life as I feel he does to me. 

 

I love you Johnson! 

OOoooh, I want these... They remind me of green drops =D So cute and adorable! 

 

 

And this is on my wishlist.... 

 

Because these are just beautiful and I loved them.... well the matching necklace is also stunning. =D 

 

 

Lisa's Little Luxuries  @LJKSlain

or here is the physical address  --->>>  http://www.etsy.com/people/Lisaslittleluxuries?ref=si_pr

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I always look forward to the end of the week. I know that it just means a break from school for Danny he gets to relax and less arguments about helping him do his homework and getting to actually show up too school. When he comes back from school he's happy and there is no worries. All is okay ...

Last week we were experimenting... So Friday JC and well fridays we don't eat meat so we as in he prepared tuna to make tuna sandwiches for lunch. Then is was getting later and JC was craving shrimp... he wanted Shrimp Cocktail... I asked if he knew how to make it and he said  no... I had never made it either, lol. Lucky us that it's my dad's favorite but I had asked my mom too since my parents were the ones who would make it. 

We ended up making it and it make out pretty good. My dad loved it. We enjoyed a nice shrimp cocktail for dinner that night. 

 

On Saturday, I made pupusas... I tried a few days prior but I had missed something so they lacked flavor. So when I made them on saturday they ended up tasting how I wanted the taste to be. I was happy and I had happy people eating. 

And then we went to mass later on that day... 

 

Sunday, a nice peaceful day. We all got ready. By all I mean JC, Danny and myself....

We took my son to my sister's and he went to a party with her.

And we went to run errands first... 3 stops and then we went to Ontario where we had a nice time chatting and meeting @RighteousBruin

 

in a starbucks. It was a really nice opportunity to meet him for the first time. It's wonderful how Xanga brings the opportunity to meet nice people. 

 

JC and I had a great weekend. I love this man!!! And I love my lil man as well!!! Those 2 always show me the upside of life. 

Sometimes there is so much to do ... I don't want to so I feel boredom... I'm hardly online because it's boring. I don't use my phone much because the stupid piece of crap doesn't work well. There isn't much to do about travelling because gas is so expensive who wants to go anywhere. Being at home sucks, sometimes.  

 

The only things left to do us cooking (and I don't feel like it) washing, I guess that's a must. 

So I started packing... ain't going anywhere but we're bound to move sometime. We've been here for 2 yrs as of today techincally. (Yay 2 yrs in Apple Valley) ... Didn't think this would last but look at us... I took down all the pictures in my walls and my room echoes now, it's weird, because it's not empty. I've put away all my vhs in 2 big boxes. and I'm still have more and all my dvds...yea I have a lot of movies. And you might wonder why I have vhs and so many... I probably have over a few hundred but since they became so cheap after DVDs came out I have my collection and I like using and old fashion VCR ... I have 2 or 3 just in case and a nice DVD collection as well. These came out of boredom. I do a lot of things because I'm bored. Actually most of my actions come about because there is nothing to do. 

So I don't wanna pack my closet yet because why take out what's still nicely packed in a place. So I'm working on what's in plain view. No room I can ever have will ever be big enough. 

I need to cut my hair. I'm tired of the way it looks but I might have to wait until April. I need clothes but  I've managed for years with the same so whatever. I guess if I can sew it then I'm ok. 

 

So I'm bored... and packing and yea... 

Besides many things that I've done in life. Throughout having to share a room most of my life and well actually all my life and it will never stop from here on end... I still cherish my personal space. I don't mind a few to share it but I do push people away when I need it or fall asleep or something. 

I've never been so touchy-feely and all... I know I can be but I'm not so big because we're conditioned... so I was conditioned to that. I feel bad at times because I'm a bit distant. My son asks me permission to give me  hug and a kiss... sometimes I feel bad but sometimes I just hate being surprised. He's big enough not  to just jump on me... I will get mad. Yes, it's sweet sometimes but sometimes it's not. I guess since I was little I was picky and I always chose who I wanted to be with. It seems like it was usually not my mother and we all know that mothers sometimes are the ones who are more sweet kind... but since I was more daddy's little girl I preferred more a male to care for me. My dad is a distant type of guy himself. He doesn't really let people get close to him, he's quiet and he doesn't say anything. He's frustrated when he puts him hand on his forehead, he mad when he'll look at you and wont say a thing (silent treatment) ... I'm a little similar to him... Danny interact with me the most and he's a momma's boy (he doesn't have a choice)...  My mom had my sister and favored her because my sister would be with her. She's more loving nature and has a way with kids. 

I've slowly learned to tolerate people touching my stuff. I think  I would get fire in my eyes in college because my friend would hardly tough any of my stuff or started asking for permission. We were all close but you don't know how it felt. It felt as bad as being invaded... I know stuff is just materialistic but you don't understand the struggle to finally have something to call my own. The hard part has always been something that is mine. When I own it, I don't let it go. I'll share now but it's me. I know I shouldn't consider my stuff myself but it's hard to gain something. It's the only way I was able to demonstrate my personality for so long because I was too shy to speak out, to show who I was. I didn't let people know because I didn't trust people. 

Trust me for is very important. It's very delicate as well. I usually trust with a 10 foot poll in between on... a distance safe enough to ok. 

And all of this came out because my mom had a prayer thing at home which I don't mind. We spent the whole time cleaning the house and I didn't clean my room but because I washed I just need to put all that clothes away. So I told my son not to come into the room because I know kids follow and he doesn't understand the whole concept. So I came into the room and he was here with kids. You don't even know how I felt. I felt like I was trapped and had no where to go. Then more and more kids came. He wanted to play video games and they wanted to play... I let them stay for like 15 mins or so(i think less)... feeling more and more uncomfortable... I finally took some charge and told them to go play outside... I couldn't take it. I wanted to pull my hair. I don't have many places I was be calm or my own and my biggest pet peeve in the world is when "MY" room door stays open while I'm in the room. I feel exposed... might as well be naked in front of everybody and it would feel the same.  

So yea, my room my personal space, need to be closed.... Unless I otherwise say... I need my little corner to myself with no interruptions and a door. If I had a small office (someday) you'd know that door would be locked... and I would be in there... yup... well I mean I trust some people or a person. haha but yea... 

 

anything I'm done. 

I had been thinking about giving something up for Lent... I mostly do it every year. And it's because I'm usually addicted to something and it would be a great challenge. Every time I give something up for Lent it really helps me because I am not focused on that after the 40 days but this year I am not giving up anything. My focus will just be to try and be a better mom and look for a job. I think those two things are a sacrifice in itself. I have responsibilities in my hands and things aren't getting any easier. Things are tough but we keep on going. 

Danny a few days ago before going to bed, he was itchy and I didn't send him to school, today his face has more  bumps and a little swollen. I don't know what it is but I'm not sending him to school. I am pretty sure they're not chicken pox but it might be an allergy. idk to what... 

my phone keep dying so that's crap... my computer charger died... (thankfully my sis let me borrow hers) I didn't get the job I applied for something didn't work out. Oh well. I guess I need to look for something different. 

oh well we'll see what happens this year. *cross your fingers* and just pray... 

So yes we all know yesterday was V-Day (Valentine's Day , a supposed day of love or to many a day of heart break). 

My son, my little 6 year old boy had been infatuated with this little girl Amanda in his Kindergarten class.

For weeks he had been talking about her and how "beautiful" she was and how much he liked her and wanted to write her a little note that said "I love Amanda".

It was so cute seeing him happy and smile about this little girl. To think it all started with a little hug the little girl gave him and it won him over. Of course, I knew that they babies (practically). I'm sure she's clueless and he over analyzed that hug which meant she liked him as a friend to, whoa I liked this. I don't know how boys hormones work but I thought I didn't' have to worry about this so young. He wanted to give her all these gifts and he'd been planning and this thoughts went on and on. So cute!! So I went out and bought a few little things for very reasonable price and made her a V-day gift from him and he was so excited to give it to her. He'd been talking about giving her something for a couple of weeks. 

This was the little gift I set up for her and wrapped it in clear wrap. He was so excited when he woke up, we were actually early to school. 

(There is a story in between but I'll write that one later...  to not get off on tangents) So When I got home I excitedly asked him if he gave the gift to her and he said yes. And I asked if she liked it and he said yes. And so then he said that she doesn't like him. she likes this boy named Jesse... and that he took her to the Library and he over heard stuff. I gave him a hug and asked if he was ok. He said. he didn't care, it was fine. He was on a sugar high... jumping all over the place...

Fast forward to this morning. For nothing, he wanted to get up for school. He said school was stupid and he didn't want to go. He would keep covering himself in his blankets and trying to school. the sugar high was gone and he had no motivation to go to school. He said Valentine's day was stupid and yea... What a way to start as a 6 year old. But, I'm going to do my best not think that everything is stupid and not lose his gentlemanly ways.  My poor baby!! I gave him a hug and talked to him until I convinced him to go to school. He went. It was sad seeing his like that. 

 

On the other hand my Valentine's day was interesting... I texted J and he would respond but unlike most time he wasn't really into a conversation mood. Yes, I know he's a thoughtful guy and even though it's just Valentine's day it was weird he hadn't said anything. I don't care about gifts but I wanted to see him regardless... For me just sitting in starbucks is good enough for me. 

I took my own innitiative because I'm a forgetful person and now have changed my work days to tuesdays and I was down the hill so I figured I was closer to him and it would be easier for me to move. (Something wasn't counting on ... HA!!! In your face for not talking to me ) I text him a "Hi" and he replied with the same so I decided to cut the chase and just ask him to meet me in Starbucks for a drink. I didn't know if he was busy or not but I wanted to give him a little something and it would be ok with me if it was short time.  He asks what time... his texts were weird and distant... My mind was racing ... I was thinking a lot and nothing at the same time. 

But, he met me there. I usually go into the starbucks and wait but I didn't want to. I saw him get there and park. As he walks in I take off my seat belt and slowly get out of the car. He had something in his hand. He comes out as I start walking to the place... he laughs and calls me a "brat" ... well yes, yes I am .... He tries to give me his gift but I just wanted a hug. I missed him. Then I received what he had. It was a little boxed with a pinktiger  stripes, very cute!! When he gave it to me... I said, "Oh was I suppose to get you something?" He of course said no... lol 

We went inside and I kept looking at him as I read it... he wrote it  and made it. So he asked me to put it up higher so it would block him my from eye sight ... good thing he did because it was so sweet my eyes were filling up were tears... And then he said he was kidding and puts it down... I couldn't' help but try and refrain from tearing but I couldn't help it. I told him I wasn't but DUH  it was too sweet not to. And then he told me what he had really planned.... He's full of surprises!! 

So he asked when traffic would die down... we were in starbucks for a while and just headed to my home. 

We headed out and I went to my car to put the little frame inside and I got a card I got for him... then I opened my trunk... I couldn't get him anything... I'm broke, I'm sorry. Whatever, right?! So I gave him my pinktiger well I wrapped it in clear wrapped and other stuff. He has my pinktiger (you better take good care of her. I've had her for like 8 years) 

it's nothing to what he had planned when we got home... oh and keep you head out of the gutter!! 

He had Dinner planned... he's such an amazing guy, so talented and surpasses anyone I've ever met in the kitchen. I'm the luckiest girl alive and there is no man that compares to him!! NO one!! Trust!! My friends like my cooking and my sibs always expect me to and I've met this man who has skills. I'm truly impressed more and more... he's a dream come true not because of his skills but he has all the great qualities. He has a kind heart, he's patience, loving, funny, he's everything If I ever had a list he's my 10! 

He made a delicious dinner. My parents, Johnson @Cucumber_Melonhead and I ate. So peaceful. My mom gave a prayer to bless the food etc ... 

Guess what he made... 

Lobster... (the first time I tried it) So delicious!! 

and 

 

Steak.... Mmmmm!! 

Lobster with asparagus and stuffed yellow peppers... and steak was in the middle... we shared the steak.  

oh and for dessert.... 

 

 

Chocolate covered strawberries!! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

oh and P.S. ha as if I was writing a letter... I had the best weekend ever... 

It was JC's brother's birthday so we went to a dinner (OMG  the price @ Gyu Kaku... it was amazing food, though. ) but I met his brother and a few of their friends... People can sure eat and drink. His brother got very drunk though, it was a birthday celebration Happy 30th . I met his parents briefly that night and got to talk to his mother more in the morning. She's a nice lady. I think she liked me. She was talking to me about him. She's so sweet. I'm so glad I got to meet her. I was very worried but I feel so much better now. She saw his screen saver with pics of JC, Danny and myself. She said my son was cute which was nice. 

Sunday we went to Mass in the San Gabriel mission and then to his friends' engagement party. I got to meet more of his friends, his bff and other close friends and I got to try Korean food. Yummy!! I really need to try more cultured food. Once we have time we're going to go eat authentic Chinese food with his parents. My mouth hasn't had such and orgy of foods in it's entire life. I love it. Life is amazing and going well.

I love you, Johnson!!!