January 4, 2012
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TRUST me – stay off my phone!!!!!!
So I was going to write about this last week the same day I wrote my other post about (marriage) but I was a little busy and therein became more preoccupied and mostly stayed off xanga… Needed some time off …
So anyways……..
I was listening to the radio that morning and there was a discussion… Of course it all comes down to trust of your loved one, your SO, your girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, wife…
Call it snooping or creeping around…. Not the “creeping around” where you might be with someone else at the same time but then again that can lead to the mistrust and lack communication… and cheating and blah blah blah… I’m sure many of us have been on that side ….
We all have many accounts when it comes to social networks, emails, interactions with people all over the place but is it ok that your SO is looking around your stuff? If they trust you, should they have nothing to worry about? And if they don’t trust you should it be their right to look through your stuff…
When is it right to look through stuff? Should they ask?
When does “what’s my stuff is your stuff and what your stuff is my stuff” start?? Or does that even exist… Now a days we each have our stuff, buy our own stuff …..what rights of privacy are you giving up or are you entitled to when you have a SO?
What’s your take on “YOUR” stuff… when can they see… should they trust you and not ask… or reserve the right to still you? Does it go both ways?
Should you give away your passwords?
Comments (29)
Passwords are private.
I don’t snoop around my wife’s stuff, and she doesn’t snoop around mine. There’s no need.
If you can’t trust me, then don’t be with me. That’s my motto. If I want you to have my passwords, you can have them. My ex has my passwords to ALL my accounts (save a few), I allow it cause I’m not worried about anything.
Passwords are YOURS privately, and unless YOU give it to THAT specific person.
It should stay that way.
Also, no one better touch my phone. -.-
Good questions(:
passwords are mine. no touchy!! also…no touch my phone. and fyi, i would not ask for hers nor would i use her phone. i have no desire to as i feel it is hers. if she wants me to in case of an emergency or something. but i would not invade her privacy.
@GorgeousNightmaree - @Unstoppable_Inner_Strength - @buddy71 - What they said. Honestly if I was really serious about a guy I’d stop talking to the other guys in my life the way I do but if people start reading your xanga, emails, texts, etc they’re definitely going to read something they don’t want to read so why ruin a good relationship by getting upset about something that you probably don’t understand/ took out of context.
i do it… did it…. i dont care if he picks up my phone or not…. i have nothing to hide…. he pays for all the things i use or need… he has gotten upset that i freely go through anything and everything…. not that im looking for anything specifically but i do it….. call me psycho but i rather know….the IFs…btw…..everyone does this atleast once in their life….EVERYONE.
I’m a bit surprised at how touchy people are about this. My passwords are all saved on my computer, my husband has full access to my computer. If he chooses to go through my facebook or xanga the fine… 1. I don’t really care because 2. I have nothing to hide. My phone is open to him as well if he so chooses to go through it. I wouldn’t get panties in a twist if he picked up my phone, there’s no reason to.
I wouldn’t mind at all if my SO want to have my passwords or checking something on my phone. There’s nothing I would hide from him. If we put a trust on each other, I’m sure he wouldn’t ask about this and that when it comes to privacy (: (: (:
As I’m alone for the rest of my life I have nothing to worry about
^-^
When I was married I wouldn’t mind much though, he was very private with his things but he could and still can go trough all my stuff on facebook and xanga
Yeah, I’m with @grizzlybearr - on this one. At least in a marital relationship, or a long term one. I don’t hand over my passwords to someone I’m just starting to date, but once there’s a relationship going who the hell cares? I’m not two different people, online and in life. If I say it here, I’d say it to someone face to face. I’ve got nothing to hide. At the same time, I probably wouldn’t end up being with someone who felt the NEED to have those passwords. Most of the accounts on my computer either aren’t password protected, or have the remember password function checked. If I felt the need to protect my online activities from the person I’m with, I probably shouldn’t be with that person anyway.
Holy crap, this isn’t a big deal.
My boyfriend and I are working to rebuild trust in our relationship. I have been told that it’s my right to look through his stuff since there was a breach of trust, but I can’t bring myself to do it. I don’t think we can really start rebuilding our trust by me going through he stuff, I’m not sure what that’s going to solve. I have WANTED to snoop, but I haven’t. Earlier in our relationship, I snooped through his email and found something that I managed to take out of context (which I think will always happen if you go snooping around chat logs or emails) from his ex girlfriend. That caused problems and I don’t want to go through that again. If he is worth trusting again, and in my opinion he is, then I don’t think I should have to go through his stuff.
I know a couple of his passwords for things, but that’s only because he gave them to me to access things for him while he couldn’t. He doesn’t know any of my passwords, not because I wouldn’t give them to him but because we haven’t been in a situation where he needed them for whatever reason. As for phones, he offers to show me his phone on his own accord, but I always turn him down. The option is always there, though, on both sides.
Oh my hubby knows where I am at online and who is calling and what is happening. The only secret I keep from him is where I hid that last slice of pizza I plan to have fo rbreakfast in the morning:)
I am old, gray haired, short and squatty, everything wrinkles and sags-no need to keep secrets-I am not going anywhere. Don’t have the energy.
“chuckling”
I have no secrets so she can look at anything she wants, if I wanted I can look into her email but I haven’t in a long time. My wife answers a lot of my emails anyway.
I never went on my wife’s accounts, until it was no longer possible for her to go online herself. Even then, I maintained integrity and she knew when I was going on them.
I honestly believe that relationships work best when everything is “out in the open”… For a couple of reasons. One being that there is no ability to keep “secrets” and this can actually keep one another accountable.
There’s a line.
For instance, we HAVE one another passwords, and are open and tell one another everything (basically) even f*** ups… however, NEITHER of us go through one anothers things very often. (Which is where I think this is going… if you are that open, don’t be obsessive about looking) it’s just that I can pick up his phone and go through it if I want, and he can do the same to mime. I can sign into his email, him same for me, and xanga, etc. But how often does it HAPPEN? Maybe only once every few weeks/months? We also have accountability software on the computer (sends me sites he visits, and vise versa)
As I said, I think there’s balance. I think you should be open and NOT keep secrets, and at the same time, I believe that you should not be obsessive or snoopy often. If you have a feeling/suspicion, then maybe then it’s okay, and it’s probably okay to check up every so often.
OTherwise, trust is good.
@Unstoppable_Inner_Strength - That’s nice! Mutual respect!!
@GorgeousNightmaree - Yea, I can agree if there is a big trust issue why be with a person. But, that’s great that you’re trusting as long as they are good at safe keeping them. Nothing to hide means no guilty conscious.
I agree Passwords are yours unless you trust another with them. Good point!
@buddy71 - Nice. You respect privacy and expect yours to be respected.
@RaggyDoll - If you were serious you would stop flirting and from that day forward it would be differently… but the past is the past regardless… yes?
Well even id they do read something and even if they disagree there is an explanation and they can know about it. I’ve had people I’ve talked to dated and my current bf who have read my xanga… you either accept or walk away. You can’t change the past….
@Snoog420 - haha, I know you did it and would do it. I’m sure in that case he has no right to be upset since he needs to prove himself not the other way around. Yea, I understand not searching for something but just looking… I don’t know … I guess curiosity. I guess I’ll find out someday if I have the need to or they have the need to with me… I don’t think Everyone does it, because I still feel that some have more trust in their couple and willing to turn the other way than find something they don’t want to see.
@grizzlybearr - yes people are touchy… but I’m sure some after they’ve been together and there is the need they will have their passwords… funny thing is that I’m the one that knows ssn#s and pins, and passwords, and everything but no one has mine… haha There hasn’t been a need for mine to be given away … well a couple time a password and pin but it’s because I tell them they can use it. I have my passwords saved on my comp and they can log on to my stuff if people chose by luckily for me they respect. I’m not touchy but it’s nice to get the heads up before people go snooping around to have my ok regardless… to be it’s not so much I don’t have anything to find but more that I want to be respected and I will respect their stuff as well.
@fabolousclown - That’s sweet. Of course I agree with having nothing to find but to be it’s still about respect and honesty. I’ll let you see my stuff just ask… don’t go looking through my stuff… there are times where I also give the opportunity for them to look and they don’t which I like.
@xXxlovelylollipop - you are very trusting!! kind of admirable…
My phone, my property. Not theirs. My life, not theirs. I keep my things to myself, and they can do the same.
@AgainstTheWind1 - I agree she made some good points. Haha yes I agree with everything you said.
@Saridactyl - Yea, I remember what happened and the way you’re taking is the best way. I can understand his need to want to show you and the fact that you respect to show that you’re building trust.
@Grannys_Place - haha that made me chuckle as well. You’re absolutely right… I love your humor btw =D
@Happily_Married_Guy - You’re like… this is too much to read, I’m bored. lol jk yea that’s good you guys trust each and have the option to.
@RighteousBruin - That is very sweet of you and so helpful. integrity is very important! =D
@LKJSlain - I agree with most… Although I don’t think I would be so mistrusting to add accountability software… I think that would be too untrusting imo … idk … in any case I see how that would work if there was a PC but if we each have our own comp then it wouldn’t work.
@TheMushyPear - haha, well that’s good you have trust in each other to keep it that way. Afterall you did buy your stuff…
I respect that!
I need my private space. Truth is, we all talk about ppl nehind their back. For example I use this blog to write about tensions between me and loved ones sometimes. People make suggestions et, and I hope to find a solution *without* drama and hurting anyone. I also sometimes need to figure things out on my own. Maybe I don’t want anyone to give advice on stuff that I write for myself in a personal journal. I think it depends a lot on how you use technology. If someone went on my computer and saw everything, it is comparable to overhearing *every * conversation I have.
My ex boyfriend once asked “and what are these big dark secrets you want to hide?” and I just asked him if he also wants to join my sleepovers and watch me poop. There are just certain things you want to keep private. A relatonship without trust is not a real relationship, but you don’t have to be in each others head all the time….not even to know everything. You are still two seperate people, and I think being two people makes it so interesting.
I think everyone has to draw the line themselves, and respect these lines. If one person expets more openess than the other is by all means ready to give it usually just doesn’t work. But generally, if I want someone not to find out things I hide them so well that they won’t. If I for example gave out the nme of my blog, or my informaton is generally easily accessible (by leaving a page on the laptop open etc) I wouldn’t be surprised or angry…and just not making it possible prevents conflicts, about when things start to be creepy.
It’s complicated. Due to certain affiliations of mine, I absolutely cannot allow an SO access to my accounts, or, in the case of one computer, access to the computer itself.
@pinktiger335 - it was something that we agreed on. It’s not because of distrust as much as it’s because of accountability
My passwords are so secretive that even I don’t remember what they are. Yeah, I don’t think the girlfriend will have my passwords anytime soon.
I don’t give out my pass word but my wife does know it! Have a great Thursday!!!!
@pinktiger335 - that’s true, darling (: (:
@under_the_carpet - I definitely hear ya here.
I know there are things that we need to keep to ourselves and I agree that they don’t need to know everything and you are entitled to keep a journal… I know! If they know everything what do you keep for yourself? You make some good points.
@Cycl0p5 - Sometimes things that might jeopardize the person you love should remain in secrecy and it’s something they have accept. It’s not because you do it to harm them but it’s because it’s what you need to do. I, once, had a client for massage therapy and she was telling me about the secret life her husband led (pretty similar to The Departed, he was an undercover) and she was in hiding and couldn’t see him and he couldn’t be affiliated with anybody because they can use fam again him… and he would be in prison a lot because he can to keep proving himself… I mean there are things that sometimes are best not said. It’s a difficult life but you do what you have to do… She told me because she was holding it in for so long and couldn’t keep her secret but can you imagine how it is living different lifes and having to keep so much away from each just for safety…
@LKJSlain - interesting… I think I’d feel much more comfortable them having my passwords than that type of invasion of privacy. I respect they know where I go and what I do but that type of software is not something I’d ever approve of even for my children. I don’t know… I think that’s taking it to far but to each their own.
@Rob_of_the_Sky - haha, sometimes I’m the same way… lol I hate changing them because I always forget them and end up putting them back too what they were haha… I know soon enough I will be doing a total mass change of passwords and haha I know I’m either going to have to save them somewhere or I will forget them… I have the worst memory in the world. The only reason I don’t forget now it’s because I’ve had mine for so many years… I’m sure your gf wont mind if you don’t remember either haha
@boydcreek - Trust is very important!! Hope you also have a wonderful day tomorrow!!!
@fabolousclown - We are entitled to it all and they should also feel secure without so much invasion.
@pinktiger335 - actually, all that it does is send “questionable” material to the accountability partner… hence, if no questionable sites were visited, then it doesn’t send me everything anything. So, technically as long as we are both “good” then none of this comes up on the software
I’ve always given my passwords to my gf’s. Ive always had theirs. If you don’t trust each other, then you shouldn’t be together.
I trusted someone with my password before, he misused it. Never again.
i personally never needed to know what was on my significant other’s phone or whatever. We all need our own personal things and I trust my girlfriend to respect her privacy. If she decides to cheat, that is on her. I cannot stop her from doing what she wants to do. i can only do what I can to make her not want to cheat or whatever.
I am not going to ask to look at anything, but I would hope she wouldn’t care if when we are in the same room and she gets a text that she has to look and open the text message privately. I mean I am not going to read it but I hope she isn’t bothered that I am looking over her shoulder or anything. I don’t know. I trust the person I am with…if I didn’t I wouldn’t really be together with them. I have nothing to hide, so If they wanted to check, feel free. I would also expect them to respect my wishes if I said no too.
@Cucumber_Melonhead - I feel the same about needing to know what’s on their phone. I know guys have girl- friends and I don’t mind. I’m not the jealous type … typically. haha We all do have and deserve respect and privacy. I don’t mind people looking through my phones and stuff as long as they ask for permission, I can just say yea and skip the snooping part. I never feel right asking, looking or taking people’s phones and stuff because it makes me feel uncomfortable.I like playing with phones sometimes but not for snooping purposes. If I have to use it for it’s purpose, yes, but I can’t look through people’s stuff. I just don’t feel comfortable personally. I don’t care about looking over the shoulder… people do what makes them feel comfortable. I know I’ve kind of done it, like seen the phone but I don’t read the message… Not saying I never will but yea.