July 22, 2011

• The ghost

  You are surrounded by so many people. So many great people but you don't talk to anybody, you're just there... floating side by side with life. You should be happy you share this wonderful life with so many but they have someone to share it with. You're just a bystander, you're just a lonely looker in, living through the happiness of others. You've wasted your time trying to make friends and in the end you notice you have none. You excited run to tell everybody of news and happiness and you go one by one to your friends and when you open your mouth with news they disappear, they were never there. You wonder what you do wrong and how to repel people but there is no explanation, it's just easier to pretend another doesn't exist when they don't affect you directly. You go on with life, sometimes people wonder about you in a memory a distant dream but never enough to care and find you ... just like "Oh, I wonder what happened to so and so?" ... and that mention is gone with the wind. People possess power, unexplained energy but with power comes responsibility and no one has control. The world has become too caring of themselves but it's ok at least you have personal responsibility. As for your friend, he/she will be fine... a lonely wanderer just trying to find the place they fit. They probably wont, though, they never have. They're just a ghost...people never see you, they pretend to but all they felt was your energy and dismiss it. Everybody will always see through you, you're not real, you never existed. If you're lucky someone will.

  People find themselves and define themselves... but you're just lost in the confusion of being. How ARE you? and you never answer that honestly because there aren't answers to answer such a complicated question. In that early stage, being a teleprompter, you have to answer with the basics and most say "good" anyways when it's not true. But, who needs to push it someone finally cared enough to ask OR they were being courteous which ever by now you've learn what people just want to hear, "good", "I'm fine" etc they don't want to go into deep conversation they just want an opportunity to tell you about theirs. And you care, you care a lot until you realize that they don't care about you. They just needed a disposable friend someone to dump their troubles and keep going.

  You just float, hoping that your ghost isn't completely unnoticed ...

  You're brighten like the sun, come alive with laughter and a smile.

  But,smiles are such a rarity that it might as well rain everyday because regardless you have no shelter. You're just a few steps away from reaching out that you fall into the depths of darkness before you reach at that hand trying to get you out...you lose and don't want to.

  The smile brightens you and brings color and life but you're colorblind you can't see it... all you see is black. You don't want to be blind, you wanna see but who guides a blind person when they're blind themselves? 

  How can your ghost become real and not just the illusion everybody pretends not to see? We want you to be you but most would only care if you were 10 yrs younger or feel you're more mature being 10 yrs older. You're stuck in between realms part of you in and the other part of you out...There's no escape, you're trapped. You can't do it alone but you hope you can get to either side, at this point that would be an accomplishment.

   

  • 10:12 am
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